IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Science can now help people to live to the age of a hundred or more. Some people view it in a positive light, but others believe it creates problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

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Scientific advancements have significantly extended human lifespans, allowing
people
Use synonyms
 to live beyond a hundred years.
While
Linking Words
 some view
this
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 as a remarkable achievement that enhances the quality of life, others argue that it brings social and economic challenges. In my opinion,
although
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 longevity offers certain benefits, it must be accompanied by effective policies to manage its consequences. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 who live longer mean more
people
Use synonyms
 to work with years of
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
. Experienced
people
Use synonyms
 are always more appreciated. In many cultures, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in mentoring and preserving traditions, enriching both family and societal values. With the increased life expectancy improved with medical advancements,
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 family has been enabled to provide prevention and treatment for fatal diseases.
For instance
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, developments in organ transplants, cancer treatments, and AI diagnostics significantly reduced mortality rates.
On the other hand
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, an increasing number of elderly individuals can
also
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 create economic and social issues.
Instead
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 of choosing or giving the opportunity to work for younger
people
Use synonyms
, businesses would choose experienced coworkers
instead
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 of them.
Also
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, governments are obliged to pay pensions for the elderly every month, which can be a burden.
Furthermore
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, prolonged lifespans may lead to overcrowding, making it difficult to sustain living standards. In conclusion,
while
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 scientific advancements have enabled longer and healthier lives, they
also
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 have challenges that must be addressed.
Although
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 living with loved ones for a long time can be cherished, we should point out the fact that governments must have priorities to ensure economic stability and healthcare accessibility.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, especially in the second body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow more smoothly from one to the next. Transitional phrases could help improve connections between thoughts.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with word choice; instead of 'modern family,' consider 'modern society' for clarity.
task response
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your stance on the issue, setting a solid foundation for your essay.
task response
You effectively present both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced approach to discussing the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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