IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The graph given depicts the number of shops which closed and opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of
Use synonyms
shop
Change to a plural noun
shops
show examples
 that
openings
Use synonyms
 decreased over the period given. Meanwhile, the number of
shop
Use synonyms
closures
Use synonyms
 increased
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the period. To start with, in 2011 the
shop
Use synonyms
openings
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 roughly 8500
stores
Use synonyms
 and the
closures
Use synonyms
shop
Use synonyms
 at 6500
stores
Use synonyms
 which meant that
opening
Correct article usage
the opening
show examples
 shops higher than
Use synonyms
closures
Correct article usage
the closures
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the opening of shops declined substantially to 4000
stores
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the
shop
Use synonyms
closures
Use synonyms
 dropped slightly to 6000
stores
Use synonyms
 in 2012.
Moreover
Linking Words
, over the next two years, the
shop
Use synonyms
openings
Use synonyms
 surpassed the
shop
Use synonyms
closures
Use synonyms
. Turning to 2015, the
shop
Use synonyms
closures
Use synonyms
 plunged sharply to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 lowest at under 1000
stores
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
shop
Use synonyms
openings
Use synonyms
 fell moderately to 4000
stores
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 2016, the opening
shop
Use synonyms
 took its place again as the highest and remained constant until 2018,
while
Linking Words
 the
openings
Use synonyms
,
conversely
Linking Words
 went down.
Submitted by farel2300 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 85%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words shop, openings, closures, stores with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
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