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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people are moving away from agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work.What will be the consquences of this.What solutions can you offer.

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In the contemporary
epoch
Add a comma
,epoch
show examples
 individuals opt to reside in urban areas rather than in
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 in order for them
do
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 make a decent living.Not only does
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon have
adverse
Add an article
an adverse
show examples
 impact on countries economy,but
also
Linking Words
dwindle
Correct subject-verb agreement
dwindles
show examples
agricultural
Correct article usage
the agricultural
show examples
sphere
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 discourse is to appraise reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue and preventive measures to tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, insufficient salaries and low standards of living seem to have been the main reasons why nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 relocate from agricultural centres to urban
cities
Use synonyms
.Youngsters are driven by the vision of better life and
therefore
Linking Words
 they step out of their comfort zone and move to
big
Add an article
the big
a big
show examples
city
Use synonyms
.Moving to
bigger
Add an article
a bigger
show examples
city
Use synonyms
 for educational purposes is
second
Add an article
a second
the second
show examples
 major reason why
people
Use synonyms
 leave their small towns.
Recent
Add an article
A recent
show examples
 survey conducted by
British
Correct article usage
a British
show examples
 journalist revealed that 70% of
people
Use synonyms
 who moved from agricultural
cities
Use synonyms
 to
capital
Correct article usage
the capital
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 are students who are in
process
Correct article usage
the process
show examples
 of obtaining higher education.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least career perspective.Success in
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
sphere
Use synonyms
another
Add a missing verb
is another
show examples
 leverage which
detain
Change the verb form
detains
show examples
 you from
hustle
Correct article usage
the hustle
show examples
 and bustle of the
city
Use synonyms
. So,what needs to be done to prevent
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
collapse and decline of
agricultural
Add an article
the agricultural
an agricultural
show examples
sphere
Use synonyms
? From my standpoint the responsibility for
this
Linking Words
 change
on
Add a missing verb
is on
show examples
 the shoulders of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.The more government will subsidise
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the agricultural
sphere
Use synonyms
 and agricultural
cities
Use synonyms
,the fewer
people
Use synonyms
 will feel
need
Correct article usage
the need
show examples
 to move from the
city
Use synonyms
.New work
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 should be opened and
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 market should be developed in
such
Linking Words
cities
Use synonyms
 so that
people
Use synonyms
 can pursue their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 without leaving
Correct pronoun usage
their hometown
show examples
hometown
Fix the agreement mistake
hometowns
show examples
.Improving
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
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 system and school curriculum is
also
Linking Words
indispensable
Add an article
an indispensable
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 part of agricultural policy.
To sum up
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,there are several factors that make
people
Use synonyms
 leave their homes and relocate to bigger
cities
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 and educational reasons.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 by improving
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 sectors government can contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
agricultural
Correct article usage
the agricultural
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sphere
Use synonyms
 and
futures
Correct article usage
the futures
show examples
 of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 individuals.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influx
  • infrastructure
  • unemployment
  • underemployment
  • poverty
  • decline
  • agricultural activities
  • urbanization
  • social issues
  • overcrowding
  • pollution
  • natural resources
  • community relations
  • promote
  • rural development
  • sustainable
  • employment opportunities
  • fostering entrepreneurship
  • subsidies
  • decentralization
  • urban planning
  • accommodate
  • necessary services
  • skill development
  • diverse employment opportunities
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