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Band 5.5

We should increase the use of local resources to protect our environment. To what extent do you agree or degree.

#resources #environment
Global warming, an ongoing global concern, is caused by technological advancement, since the industrial revolution. It is reckoned by some people that utilization of internal resources can be extremely beneficial for our ecosystem. In my ,opinion it can have a positive impact on the environment to some extent. The rapid growth of climate temperature usually coincides with the technological outbreak, since the industrial revolution, human society has gradually shifted from crafts production to machines.
Consequently
Add a comma
,Consequently
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 environmental degradation can occur. To illustrate more, in the sub-continent of Asia sunlight is available mostly in all seasons,
this
Correct word choice
and this
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 natural source can be used to produce energy
instead
 of using electric turbines which operate on fuel and coal.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
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 paper
are
Change the verb form
is
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 used abundantly in daily life, the main source of their extraction is trees. We can cut down the usage of
such
 products which utilize trees. As trees are a main source of oxygen.
Furthermore
 burning fuel from vehicles is the major contributor to environmental degradation. Thousands of these machines produce
a hefty amounts
Correct the article-noun agreement
a hefty amount
hefty amounts
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 of carbon emission into the air causing deterioration of the ozone layer. The invention of electric cars which operate on solar can dwindle the impact on the ecosystem.
To conclude
, in
this
 era of ,globalization we should always look into the broader aspect of things to save our habitats
,
Remove the comma
apply
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while
 using more natural resources. One way or another we have to step up to save our planet. Sweeping the dirt under the carpet is not going to get us anywhere.
Submitted by vajeeha.kamran on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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