IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

There is a good deal of evidence that increasing car use is contributing to global warming and having other undesirable effects on people's health and wellbeing. What can be done to discourage people from using their cars? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#evidence #car #effects #people #health #cars
The increase in using
cars
 leads to global warming and other undesirable effects on people’s health and
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
. It shows us that we have to reduce the
use
 of
cars
, but what we can do is discourage it.
Cars
 are a necessity for people now,so I think that some
transportation
 can be used
instead
 of
cars
.
This
 is because people
use
cars
 as the most useful
transportation
, and if there is other
transportation
 which is more useful than
cars
, they will
use
 it. In Tokyo, people usually
use
 trains, because they can access everywhere using trains and it is faster than
cars
.
Therefore
, encouraging the
use
 of
transportation
 can be the solution. The exhaust gas and Co2 which are produced by
cars
 are one of the biggest causes of environmental issues. Exhaust gas affects people’s health badly and the Co2 makes global warming accelerate.
However
, recently, some
car
 manufacturers started to produce hybrid
cars
 and electric
cars
. Hybrid
cars
 are the
car
 using petrol and electricity as the energy sources and electric
cars
 are the
car
 which
use
 only electricity as
energy
Add an article
an energy
show examples
 source. Hybrid
cars
exhausts
Change the verb form
exhaust
show examples
 gas and Co2 only half compared to normal
cars
.
Also
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electric
cars
 don’t exhaust them.
Therefore
, investing
and
Change preposition
in and
show examples
 using the electric
car
 are effective ways to solve the problem. Increasing
car
use
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 problem we have to work on a solution. The damage to the environment and human health which is caused by using
cars
 is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
serious, so we have to consider the solution and actually do it.
Submitted by z.pfister on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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