IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can be even damaging. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#society #ban #forms #purpose
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It is believed that all kinds of
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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 are useless or can be hurt so if they
be
Change the verb form
are
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 banned, the community would take
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
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.
Although
, advertising has some drawbacks I oppose
this
 idea to some extent.
To begin
 with, adverts can manipulate viewers and customers by using glamorous people, with
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
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people believe that using
this
 good is connected to a higher status so they are tempted to buy it and show off themselves as an advantaged group like some celebrities.
Additionally
, adverts can increasingly encourage consumer culture that can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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 the environment;
in other words
, companies and products have to use more fuels to produce fundamental materials of goods.
On the other hand
, advertising is a creative industry that can be very absorbing for a viewer; indeed, it is a form of modern art that can make a demand for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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buyers who like to follow the latest trends. With
this
 art, consumers can feel more
a
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of a
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sense of satisfaction and
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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 the happiness of society.
Furthermore
, by advertising shoppers find more choices so it can be faster and easier to shop and get a feeling of relief from your purchase.
Moreover
, companies need to tell customers about their products and advertising can inform people
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the most appealing way;
for example
, broadcasting on media like TV can make an entertaining time for audiences and displaying on billboards in
streets
Correct article usage
the streets
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 can be tempting.
To sum up
, I believe that in spite of some negative points with advertising that can increase consumerism, there are reasons that show how adverts are significant for today’s life of consumers and
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of producers.
Submitted by nooshinhabibinejad on

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task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points and ensure they are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your ideas more clearly and use linking words to improve the flow of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • unnecessary expenditure
  • critical source
  • informed choices
  • misleading
  • exaggerate
  • survival
  • target audience
  • environmental degradation
  • disposal
  • art and expression
  • social and cultural value
  • commercial intent
  • reasoned conclusion
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