IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People nowadays tend to have children at olderage. Do the advantage of this outweigh the disadvantages.

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In present times, some folks prefer to give birth to their young ones when they have advanced in age.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 they become financially and mentally stable to meet the need of their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring

It seems that offsprings may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, it
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 has some demerits. Certain medical conditions are complicated with age.
Besides
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 menopause at a stage in the life of a woman is inevitable.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 with,
ageing
Correct article usage
the ageing

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 process predisposes the body to certain disorders.
Similarly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, pregnancy involves both physical and hormonal changes. Hypertension in older adults
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is

It seems that the verb are does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 likely to be more serious with cyesis and can result in preeclamptic toxaemia with
risk
Correct article usage
the risk

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 of losing the mother,
child
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 or both.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the youngster can have congenital abnormality from degenerative conditions in the
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'

It appears that the word parents should use the genitive case. Consider changing the noun.

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 genes.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,a couple got married in their early adulthood but decided not the have children until she was 40 years. The woman was diagnosed with severe hypertension at the age of 38. She
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 got pregnant at 40 years but died during
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

child birth
Correct your spelling
childbirth

The word child birth seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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 from complications of severe hypertension. Notwithstanding, the idea of being psychologically and financially prepared to bring forth fruits is paramount. The parents will be able to provide the basic amenities for their young ones without hurdles.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

. A young lady in my
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood

The spelling of neighborhood is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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 graduated from the University,secured a
well paid
Add a hyphen
well-paid

It appears that well paid is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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 job and bought a house on
mortgage
Correct article usage
a mortgage

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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. She saved enough money before she got married . They both decided to have a
child
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 when she was 45 years. They could afford the best medical attention and she delivered a baby. The
child
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 had the best of his childhood, attended the best school and graduated from the University with
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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distinction. He had everything he needed. In conclusion,it is important to
be give
Change the verb form
give

It appears that the form of the verb give does not work with be in this sentence.

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 bring forth your youngsters as an older adult after acquiring the required means to provide comfort and nurture them.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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