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Band 4.5

Some children spend hours on their smartphones everyday. Why is this the case? Do you think his is a positive or negstive development.

#children #hours #smartphones #case #negstive #development
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Nowadays some youngsters overuse
smartphones
Use synonyms
 daily. The main reason behind it
is risen
Change to the active voice
rises
has risen
show examples
 demand
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these devices
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elder people that are role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 for youngsters and
also
Linking Words
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
intertainment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 that
smartphones
Use synonyms
 contain.
This
Linking Words
 is
overall
Linking Words
 a negative
trend
Use synonyms
 for
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation despite one single benefit that it may bring out. As life goes on
a
Change preposition
at a
show examples
very high speed in modern reality in order to
easen
Correct your spelling
ease
 and simplify most tasks
adulcents
Correct your spelling
adults
adolescents
transfered
Correct your spelling
transferred
transfer
 them to
so called
Add a hyphen
so-called
show examples
 smart devices.
Therefore
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, on the tip of their
fingers
Add a comma
,fingers
show examples
 they have
acces
Correct your spelling
access
 to e-libraries, online shopping, managing bank
account
Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
show examples
 or even doing some
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
,
thus
Linking Words
 they are able to save time.
Subsequently
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, as
children
Use synonyms
 tend to copy
behaviour
Add an article
the behaviour
show examples
 of their parents they start to have
enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous
show examples
interst
Correct your spelling
interest
 in using
smartphones
Use synonyms
.
Then
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, once they have access they discover a number of interesting apps that catch their attention and make them spend hours looking at
screen
Add an article
the screen
a screen
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, these programs are mostly built on level
complition
Correct your spelling
completion
competition
 that gives juveniles
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
show examples
 of challenge and victory once they finish it ,
therefore
Linking Words
 day by day they try to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 more ''success''. When it comes to
effect
Add an article
the effect
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
 it may only be profitable if
children
Use synonyms
 use
smartphones
Use synonyms
 for educational or self-development purposes.
For instance
Linking Words
, during the global
pandemic
Add a comma
,pandemic
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 had to spend hours on devices, as it was
only
Add an article
the only
show examples
 way to continue
education
Correct pronoun usage
their education
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is contended to be
adverse
Add an article
an adverse
the adverse
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
, the major reason behind it are serious damages that are caused to all health system
susch
Correct your spelling
such
 as over radiation,
drop
Add an article
a drop
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 eyesight, backpains
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.Especially as
immune
Add an article
the immune
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 system of kids is not fully formed they are more likely to suffer.
Thus
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, the
trend
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 has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
socialization
Add an article
the socialization
show examples
 of the
children
Use synonyms
, since they are not used to
express
Wrong verb form
expressing
show examples
 themselves in public. In conclusion, all mentioned information provides a concrete foundation that adults especially those who are parents should be reasonable role models for
younger
Add an article
the younger
a younger
show examples
 generation.
Therefore
Linking Words
,even though
smartphones
Use synonyms
 are used for educational purposes in some cases, their daily usage for hours may have undesirable effects on
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
 health and social life.
Submitted by leylaorucova02 on

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Linking words for giving examples:

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  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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