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Band 5.5

Although it is generally illegal, physical punishment continues in many countries. Some argue that parents should have the right to punish their children in this way. Do you agree or disagree?

#punishment #countries #argue #parents #right #children
In many countries these days, physical
punishment
 is not legal but is still being carried out. it is argued that
parents
 should possess the
right
 to punish their offspring physically. I agree with
this
 argument because
this
 will make our
children
 more cultured and well-behaved, and
this
 will
also
 create
fear
 in the minds of
children
 to protect them from unethical
indulgent
Correct your spelling
indulgences
show examples
. The primary reason why I think that
parents
 should be given a legal
right
 to punish their
children
 physically is to make sure their offspring are well-behaved and learn moral values to be inclined culturally . Current generation
children
 are very mischievous and rigid-minded. They do not understand the importance of cultural values and respecting others in a way
that is
 accepted by society. In
this
 case,
parents
 are required to punish them by slapping them on the face or physically torturing them to create a
fear
 of not repeating the same mistake again.
For instance
, in India, even though physical
punishment
 is illegal, many
parents
 carry it out to mould their
children
 into good and cultural individuals. Another reason is that physical
punishment
 creates
fear
 in the minds of
children
, which remains stored in their subconscious minds, and
thus
 protects them from being involved in unethical activities
such
 as stealing, cheating and so on.
Such
fear
 is inevitable to keep
present days
Correct your spelling
present-day
show examples
children
 secure and under control.
Therefore
, I believe that
parents
 should be given the
right
 to punish their
children
 physically.
However
, severe physical
punishment
 is neither good nor should be allowed.
This
 is because it is observed that some types of
children
 are not obedient, and
thus
 they should not be punished in
this
 way,
instead
 they require moral lessons and some time for themselves. In conclusion, despite the physical
punishment
 is illegal, but still carried out by
parents
 in many countries to treat their
children
 to make sure that they behave acceptably and respect others.
Hence
, I believe that
parents
 should be offered a legal
right
 to practice physical
punishment
 on their
children
 to make them better citizens.
Submitted by gauravkalathiya123 on

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task response
The essay contains relevant ideas and examples, but the argument is not well-developed and the reasoning is unclear in some parts. More detailed and specific examples would strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and effectively summarize the main points. However, the supporting paragraphs lack clear organization and coherence. Consider using clearer topic sentences and transitions to improve the overall coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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