IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Although it is generally illegal, physical punishment continues in many countries. Some argue that parents should have the right to punish their children in this way. Do you agree or disagree?

#punishment #countries #argue #parents #right #children
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In many countries these days, physical
punishment
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 is not legal but is still being carried out. it is argued that
parents
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 should possess the
right
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 to punish their offspring physically. I agree with
this
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 argument because
this
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 will make our
children
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 more cultured and well-behaved, and
this
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 will
also
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 create
fear
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 in the minds of
children
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 to protect them from unethical
indulgent
Correct your spelling
indulgences
show examples
. The primary reason why I think that
parents
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 should be given a legal
right
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 to punish their
children
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 physically is to make sure their offspring are well-behaved and learn moral values to be inclined culturally . Current generation
children
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 are very mischievous and rigid-minded. They do not understand the importance of cultural values and respecting others in a way
that is
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 accepted by society. In
this
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 case,
parents
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 are required to punish them by slapping them on the face or physically torturing them to create a
fear
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 of not repeating the same mistake again.
For instance
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, in India, even though physical
punishment
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 is illegal, many
parents
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 carry it out to mould their
children
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 into good and cultural individuals. Another reason is that physical
punishment
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 creates
fear
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 in the minds of
children
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, which remains stored in their subconscious minds, and
thus
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 protects them from being involved in unethical activities
such
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 as stealing, cheating and so on.
Such
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fear
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 is inevitable to keep
present days
Correct your spelling
present-day
show examples
children
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 secure and under control.
Therefore
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, I believe that
parents
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 should be given the
right
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 to punish their
children
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 physically.
However
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, severe physical
punishment
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 is neither good nor should be allowed.
This
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 is because it is observed that some types of
children
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 are not obedient, and
thus
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 they should not be punished in
this
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 way,
instead
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 they require moral lessons and some time for themselves. In conclusion, despite the physical
punishment
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 is illegal, but still carried out by
parents
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 in many countries to treat their
children
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 to make sure that they behave acceptably and respect others.
Hence
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, I believe that
parents
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 should be offered a legal
right
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 to practice physical
punishment
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 on their
children
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 to make them better citizens.
Submitted by gauravkalathiya123 on

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task response
The essay contains relevant ideas and examples, but the argument is not well-developed and the reasoning is unclear in some parts. More detailed and specific examples would strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and effectively summarize the main points. However, the supporting paragraphs lack clear organization and coherence. Consider using clearer topic sentences and transitions to improve the overall coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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