IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #job #money #salary #life
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Although
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 some people claim that getting an enjoyable
job
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 is more essential than earning a
lot
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 of
money
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, other believes that a well-paid
job
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 leads to a fancy
life
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. I agree that a good salary is more important than enjoyable
work
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. On the one hand, people think having
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enjoyable
work
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 is more important than making a
lot
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 of
money
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due to
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 they try to avoid stress and are not interested in saving
money
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 as they
work
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 for a living only.
In addition
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, they don't like to overwhelm themself with a stressful
job
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. For ,example some painters claim that they love their
work
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however
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 they are not able to meet their needs as they don't make enough
money
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.
At the end
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 of the day,
Life
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 is
short
Rephrase
too short
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 to have unenjoyable
work
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 to just make
money
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.
on the other hand
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, a good salary can guarantee a high
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life
Replace the word
living
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 standard. If someone makes
money
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, he will be able to enjoy
life
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 as he/she is able to meet their needs easily, purchase a fancy house, spend their vacation abroad and they don't suffer paying their bills.
Moreover
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,they can invest their
money
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 to secure their future.
For example
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, unskilled employees make a
lot
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 of
money
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, despite
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
work
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 very hard.
To sum up
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, having a secure and enjoyable
life
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, you should have a good-paid
job
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 even if it is a stressful one. In conclusion, Even though some individuals agree that making a
lot
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 of
money
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 is not more essential than a pleasing
job
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, others deny that. I agree that having a well-paid
job
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 can provide us with a happy
life
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.
Submitted by imanmuhamed.3089 on

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task achievement
Develop your ideas more clearly and provide more relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical organization of ideas in each paragraph and use appropriate cohesive devices to connect your ideas.
lexical resource
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and pay attention to word choice and collocation.
grammatical range
Work on improving your sentence structure and pay attention to grammatical accuracy.
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