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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Table-The table shows the number of employees and factories producing silk in England and Wales between 1851 and 1901.

Table-The table shows the number of employees and factories producing silk in England and Wales between 1851 and 1901.
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The table
illstrates
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illustrates
 how many English and Walesh
emlopyees
Correct your spelling
employees
 and factories engaged in the silk industry over
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half of the century from 1851.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the table is that
alghough
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although
 the amount of the labour force decreased
thoughout
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throughout
 the designated period, the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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facilities climbed. Meanwhile, there was
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 tendency that more women contributed to
this
Linking Words
 field of industry than
the
Change the word
their
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 male counterpart.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
,with
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 the data of factories,
although
Linking Words
 the starting figure was 272 in 1851, it surged to hit
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak at 761 in the following decade before its dip by approximately 70 in 1871.
However
Linking Words
,
whereas
Linking Words
 it recovered to surpass 700 ten years
latter
Correct your spelling
later
show examples
, it eventually witnessed
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
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 to end up with
at
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apply
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623.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 there were 130,750 workers for silk production in total in the initial year, which consisted of 76,786 female employees and 53,964 men,
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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both figures declined and the total workforce had 100,000 workers less than its original in 1901.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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