IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Table-The table shows the number of employees and factories producing silk in England and Wales between 1851 and 1901.

Table-The table shows the number of employees and factories producing silk in England and Wales between 1851 and 1901.
#table-the #employees #factories #silk #england #wales
The table
illstrates
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 how many English and Walesh
emlopyees
Correct your spelling
employees
 and factories engaged in the silk industry over
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the century from 1851.
Overall
, what stands out from the table is that
alghough
Correct your spelling
although
 the amount of the labour force decreased
thoughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the designated period, the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
facilities climbed. Meanwhile, there was
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 tendency that more women contributed to
this
 field of industry than
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 male counterpart.
To begin
with
Add a comma
,with
show examples
 the data of factories,
although
 the starting figure was 272 in 1851, it surged to hit
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak at 761 in the following decade before its dip by approximately 70 in 1871.
However
,
whereas
 it recovered to surpass 700 ten years
latter
Correct your spelling
later
show examples
, it eventually witnessed
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
show examples
 to end up with
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
623.
On the other hand
,
although
 there were 130,750 workers for silk production in total in the initial year, which consisted of 76,786 female employees and 53,964 men,
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
both figures declined and the total workforce had 100,000 workers less than its original in 1901.
Submitted by lisa_smile_2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: