IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

The bar provided the percentage amount of men and women in Australia who did regular physical activity in 2010 split by age.

#bar #percentage #amount #men #women #australia #activity #split #age
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The bar provided the
percentage
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amount
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 of
men
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 and
women
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 in Australia who did regular physical activity in 2010 split by
age
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. In general, all over the
age
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, the
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amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
women
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 who did regular physical activity was higher than the
men
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 except for
15
Correct article usage
the 15
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 to 24 years
group
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 which the
men
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was
Change the verb form
were
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 higher. Regarding the
women
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, the highest
percentage
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 of
women
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 was
on
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in
show examples
Use synonyms
group
Correct article usage
the group
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 45 to 54 years old with 53.3%.
In addition
Linking Words
, we can see the trend that the
percentage
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 of
women
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 raised as the
age
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increase
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increased
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 situation for
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group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 55 to 64 and
group
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 65 and over was different
which
Correct word choice
and
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 as the
age
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increase
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increased
show examples
, the
percentage
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 of
women
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 declined. Meanwhile, for the
men
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 in Australia, the
amount
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 was falling as the
age
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 of the
men
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 raised with the lowest
percentage
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was
Replace the word
being
show examples
 39.5%
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
35
Correct article usage
the 35
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 to 44
group
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. After that, as the
men
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getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 older, the
amount
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also
Linking Words
getting
Wrong verb form
gets
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 higher.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the oldest
group
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, 65 and over, the
percentage
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 of
men
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 and
women
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 was slightly similar with
0.4
Correct article usage
a 0.4
show examples
%
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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