Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

It is true that some kids spend a lot of their

time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

using

smartphones

daily. There are some reasons and I believe that

this

trend has demerits.

To begin

with, some factors are responsible for

this

tendency.

Firstly

, most

children

lack the ability to control themselves. Today, a lot of stimulating

contents

Fix the agreement mistake

content

show examples

are available that

children

can access via

smartphones

In addition

children

generally do not possess the ability to manage their

time

well and control themselves.

This

leads to them spending unnecessary

time

on the internet.

Secondly

, easy accessibility to portable

devices

is another cause for

this

trend. Unlike

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

past, from a young age, people are using various electronic

devices

such

as laptops, tablets and including

smartphones

. In my opinion,

this

tendency seems negative to me. First of all, overusing

smartphones

may be harmful

for

Change the preposition

show examples

children

Instead

, we encourage

children

to exercise for their health. Getting exercise plays an important role

for

Change preposition

show examples

the development of

children

. But they may lose physical movement if they spend too much

time

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

electronic

devices

Furthermore

, there is a danger of information inaccuracy. As the accessibility to phones increasingly rises,

children

can readily gain information online.

However

, not all information online is accurate. Considering

children

are yet to have the ability to fully distinguish exact data. In conclusion, it seems to me that easy access to electronic

devices

can lead to

children

spending more

time

on their

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

. And I believe that

this

trend has cons.

Therefore

, parents should encourage them to exercise

instead

of using

smartphones

Submitted by kim88974150 on Fri May 19 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

257 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

Many small local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area.How does this effect local communities? How could this situation be improved?

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this?