IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #changes #birth #death #rates #zealand #summarise #features #comparisons
The given line chart provides the alteration of birth and death numbers in New Zealand from 1901 to 2101.
Overall
, it is noticeable that the birth rates tend to fluctuate yet it is predicted to fall in the future.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the death numbers are more likely to increase over the two centuries.
To begin
 with, as can be seen in the figure,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Correct quantifier usage
number of child
show examples
child births
Correct your spelling
childbirths
show examples
 tended to
rose
Wrong verb form
rise
show examples
signficantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 from 1901 until
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 reached
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 peak in 1961. During
this
 period, though there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 downward
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every twenty years, the growth still rose
two
Change preposition
to two
show examples
 peaks from around 20,000s to 65,000s newborns.
However
, the wave emerged in 1961
until
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 it is predicted to decrease slowly from 2021 to 2101.
On the other hand
, it is obvious that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
death
Replace the word
dead
show examples
 people
uplifted
Add a missing verb
were uplifted
show examples
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1901 to 2041.
Moreover
,
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2021 to 2041, the mortality number
upsurge
Wrong verb form
upsurged
show examples
 sharply to reach about 6000s and it end up to becomes steady
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 60.000 after
then
.
Submitted by rams212 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: