IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge of experience.

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Basically, the goal of building a
business
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 would be different for each entrepreneur
as well as
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 the WHYs.
However
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,
according to
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 my personal perspective, I'm leaning toward
disagree
Wrong verb form
disagreeing
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 if we only focus to make
mony
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money
 in doing
business
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.
First,
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the money itself comes from the exchange
between
Change preposition
of
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 one value
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 another. We can pay it
trough
Correct your spelling
through
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 action, service, or thing including money. That being said, the
business
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 itself must be valuable so that will meet customer's willingness to pay, and bit by bit the
business
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 will be profitable in the near future. To add to that, how
people
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 define what
things
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 are valuable when it comes to these 3
things
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:
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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helps us to do a job, as a pain reliever, or as a gain creator.
Otherwise
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,
people
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 would think the
business
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 is not worth every penny.
Second,
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business
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 is
also
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 about the
people
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. Running a
business
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 is definitely challenging to do alone,
hence
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 the founders need to onboard more
people
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 to help them achieve the
business
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 goals which
also
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 can be translated into money or profit. With that in mind, concentrating on the
people
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, nurturing them, and treating them fairly and properly
are
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is
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 part of the
fundemental
Correct your spelling
fundamental
things
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 in
business
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, not only at the early stage
,
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apply
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 but
also
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for
Change preposition
in
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 the long run to make sure the
business
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 can still
be exist
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exist
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for more years and sustain.
Last
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, running a
business
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also
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require
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requires
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 a
system
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. The
system
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 will help the goal and the
people
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 to stay on track or even grow bigger than ever. The
system
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 can be a lever to scale up the
business
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 if we know how to use it,
on the other
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hand
Add the comma(s)
,hand
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 it is
also
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 potential that the
system
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 becomes the bottleneck if
wa
Correct your spelling
we
 can not tailor it wisely with other components.
To sum up
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, we have 3
things
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 that are essential in
business
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, which are the goal, the
people
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, and the
system
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. Once we can manage them well, I believe the
business
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 will be
last
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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