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Band 5.5

some people say that mobile phones should not be allowed in public places, others argue that people should be free to use their mobiles whenever they like. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #phones #places #mobiles
In
this
 digital era, mobile
phones
 are a major necessity for everyone. A group of
people
 believe in Public areas using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
phones
 should be prohibited,
while
 some modernists claim, every individual should be authorized to operate their mobile
phones
according to
 their wish. In my opinion, free-to-
use
 gadgets will help capture special moments with the family and
people
 can
use
 them
while
 an emergency. To commence with, Mobile Phone is the second most part of each person. Every individual spends around 10 hours in a public area, and if suddenly an accident occurs on the road, the mobile phone will be used to call an ambulance.
Moreover
, In public parks, and play areas parents spend time with their upbringings, where the mobile phone is the most comfortable tool to capture photos and record videos.
Additionally
, in a city like Bangalore
people
 now mostly prefer online payment rather than cash exchange, to buy even a small thing digital applications are used.
Therefore
, using mobile
phones
 will never be prohibited.
However
, It is an undeniable fact, that most
people
use
 headphones,
due to
 which any big incident can affect life, because headphones only operate with mobile
phones
, so
while
 moving around the streets and crossing roads a person will never know whether any vehicle is approaching him or not, which can result into a bad event.
Thus
, the
use
 of tech gadgets in public areas can have bad consequences. In a nutshell, every event has its pros and cons.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 not allowing to
use
 of mobile
phones
 can have a positive impact on
people
's
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe, mobile
phones
 are like a second part of a human being, which is used for even a small work
therefore
, using mobile
phones
 will never be prohibited.
Submitted by pranav10puri on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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