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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
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The graph shows the rates of unemployment in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and the US between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
March 1993 and 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was a big gap in the
rate
Use synonyms
 between the two countries
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
when started the study and
this
Linking Words
 gap was completely bridged by the end of March 1999.. . To start with
Japan
Use synonyms
, which had the lowest
rate
Use synonyms
 of unemployment at just above 2% in 1993.
This
Linking Words
 number rose slightly and steadily to reach 4.7% by the end of the study .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the US
rate
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 was as huge as 7% at the beginning and decreased sharply in March 1995 to 5.5%,
then
Linking Words
 figures started fluctuating for another three years. Both the US and
Japan
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leveled
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levelled
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 at a meeting point of
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 of 4.2% in 1999.
However
Linking Words
, by the end of the study, the US succeeded to target a better
scores
Fix the agreement mistake
score
show examples
 of 4.2% compared to 4.7% for
Japan
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 89%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unemployment rates
  • graph
  • trend
  • changes
  • comparison
  • contrast
  • findings
  • observations
  • data
  • statistics
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