Nowadays young people prefer going to shopping centres rather than spending their time in organised activities such as sport or music. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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There is an argument that

centres

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on youngsters preferring to be in shopping malls rather than engaging in sporting and music

activities

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Change preposition

apply

show examples

which

Fix the infinitive

apply

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have merits or demerits. Even though

this

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trend has several benefits, in my opinion, I highly believe that there are more drawbacks. On the one hand, young

people

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spending their

time

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in shopping

centres

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over organised

activities

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is a positive development.

To begin

Linking Words

with, buying new stuff in shopping

centres

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makes them over the moon. It is a good way to release stress.

Additionally

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, spending more

time

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with their friends hanging out in shopping complexes can allow them to be in touch with each other as much as they want. There is no need to have the same interest.

As a result

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, buying new stuff and spending more

time

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with friends is a great way to live your life. It is less

stressed

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stressful

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and can become more sociable.

On the other hand

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, I strongly believe that

this

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trend has more disadvantages. Essentially speaking,

people

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are tempted to see new items, which could lead to the tendency to overspend their monthly budget.

For example

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, these days young

people

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aim to have fancy things in Korea. They are inclined to buy those items as they spend

time

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in the shopping mall which can cause them to have financial problems.

Secondly

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, if they were to participate in

activities

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, they can expand their mindset and limits in their life.

Last

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but not least, mental and physical health improve a lot together to make a balanced and healthy life. In conclusion,

although

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nowadays young

people

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prefer going to shopping

centres

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over organized

activities

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is a positive development, in my view, I strongly believe that

this

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trend has more demerits.

kim88974150Sat May 20 2023

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Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

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Nowadays young people prefer going to shopping centres rather than spending their time in organised activities such as sport or music. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is whether there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. It is undeniable that the justice system has become an essential part of our life

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that in many cities around the world there are constant traffic jams. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from owning cars?

: Some people say that traffic accidents are caused by the increasing number ò motorbikes. Other blame for man’s fault. Which point of view do you agree ?

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people believe it is necessary, but others think that it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinions.