Nowadays young people prefer going to shopping centres rather than spending their time in organised activities such as sport or music. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #centres #time #activities #sport #music #development

There is an argument that

centres

on youngsters preferring to be in shopping malls rather than engaging in sporting and music

activities

Change preposition

apply

show examples

which

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

have merits or demerits. Even though

this

trend has several benefits, in my opinion, I highly believe that there are more drawbacks. On the one hand, young

people

spending their

time

in shopping

centres

over organised

activities

is a positive development.

To begin

with, buying new stuff in shopping

centres

makes them over the moon. It is a good way to release stress.

Additionally

, spending more

time

with their friends hanging out in shopping complexes can allow them to be in touch with each other as much as they want. There is no need to have the same interest.

As a result

, buying new stuff and spending more

time

with friends is a great way to live your life. It is less

stressed

Replace the word

stressful

show examples

and can become more sociable.

On the other hand

, I strongly believe that

this

trend has more disadvantages. Essentially speaking,

people

are tempted to see new items, which could lead to the tendency to overspend their monthly budget.

For example

, these days young

people

aim to have fancy things in Korea. They are inclined to buy those items as they spend

time

in the shopping mall which can cause them to have financial problems.

Secondly

, if they were to participate in

activities

, they can expand their mindset and limits in their life.

Last

but not least, mental and physical health improve a lot together to make a balanced and healthy life. In conclusion,

although

nowadays young

people

prefer going to shopping

centres

over organized

activities

is a positive development, in my view, I strongly believe that

this

trend has more demerits.

Submitted by kim88974150 on Sat May 20 2023

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

289 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays young people prefer going to shopping centres rather than spending their time in organised activities such as sport or music. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is common for each member of family to have their own piece of modern technology. Some people think this will lead them to break down of family relationships and communication. To what extent do you agree?

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are crippled by gridlocked traffic. What are the possible solutions for these cities?

Scientific research should only be carried out by govt and not be private companies. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Environment protection is the responsbility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extent would you say that television has positively or negatively affected the cultural development of your society?