Nowadays young people prefer going to shopping centres rather than spending their time in organised activities such as sport or music. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #centres #time #activities #sport #music #development

There is an argument that

centres

on youngsters preferring to be in shopping malls rather than engaging in sporting and music

activities

Change preposition

apply

show examples

which

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

have merits or demerits. Even though

this

trend has several benefits, in my opinion, I highly believe that there are more drawbacks. On the one hand, young

people

spending their

time

in shopping

centres

over organised

activities

is a positive development.

To begin

with, buying new stuff in shopping

centres

makes them over the moon. It is a good way to release stress.

Additionally

, spending more

time

with their friends hanging out in shopping complexes can allow them to be in touch with each other as much as they want. There is no need to have the same interest.

As a result

, buying new stuff and spending more

time

with friends is a great way to live your life. It is less

stressed

Replace the word

stressful

show examples

and can become more sociable.

On the other hand

, I strongly believe that

this

trend has more disadvantages. Essentially speaking,

people

are tempted to see new items, which could lead to the tendency to overspend their monthly budget.

For example

, these days young

people

aim to have fancy things in Korea. They are inclined to buy those items as they spend

time

in the shopping mall which can cause them to have financial problems.

Secondly

, if they were to participate in

activities

, they can expand their mindset and limits in their life.

Last

but not least, mental and physical health improve a lot together to make a balanced and healthy life. In conclusion,

although

nowadays young

people

prefer going to shopping

centres

over organized

activities

is a positive development, in my view, I strongly believe that

this

trend has more demerits.

Submitted by kim88974150 on Sat May 20 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

289 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
Nowadays, people get information though news and papers, but meanwhile are uncertain about the truth of these news. Should we believe the journalists? What qualities should a good journalist or correspondent have?
Data and newspapers are indispensable part of our everyday life because they keep us updated and connected with the outside world.However, some people have doubts regarding the credibility of broadcast.This essay will delve into which sources are trusted and the characteristics of a perfect reporting staff.
6.5
band
In some countries, parents are choosing to teach children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of studying at home outweigh the disadvantages?
In several countries, more parents are deciding to educate their children at home rather than enrolling them in traditional schools. One advantage of homeschooling is the personalized learning experience it offers, while a significant disadvantage is the lack of social interaction for the children. This essay believes that the disadvantages of homeschooling outweigh the advantages.
8
band
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Some people argue that governments have problems because of an ageing population, while others believe that more elderly people give benefits to society. In this essay, I will explain why the benefits of having an ageing population overshadow the potential drawbacks.
5.5
band
You work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter • explain why you want to work in the company's head office for six months •say how your work could be done while you are away • ask for his/her help in arranging it
I hope this letter finds you well. I am Lahiru Wellalage and I would like to request from you to give me an opportunity to work in the company head office as a Manager which is located in Colombo, Sri Lanka. I have considered about this option and have an interest to work with them because I will be able to gain my knowledge and skills with a good remuneration package which is very important aspect at this moment for me. I am eagerly looking forward to experiencing the new culture while expanding my social circle.
8
band
Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
It is said that, nowadays, the differences between countries are decreasing, as purchasing a product is possible all around the world. While some people claim that some advantages are associated with the present trend, I believe the main drawbacks, which will be discussed, are more substantial.

Nowadays young people prefer going to shopping centres rather than spending their time in organised activities such as sport or music. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays, people get information though news and papers, but meanwhile are uncertain about the truth of these news. Should we believe the journalists? What qualities should a good journalist or correspondent have?

In some countries, parents are choosing to teach children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of studying at home outweigh the disadvantages?

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?