IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Learning to manage money is one of the key aspects of adult life. How in your view can individuals best learn to manage their money?

#money #aspects #adult #life #individuals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Budget
management
 is the one of
challenging
Correct quantifier usage
most challenging
show examples
 and significant
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 that adults should deal with. In
this
 essay, I will discuss how
people
 can get financial
management
 skills
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their daily life.
Initially
, managing
money
 is the first form of financial
management
. Some
people
 think it is
special
Add an article
a special
show examples
 field, but actually, everyone has to absorb primitive financial knowledge. Primary financial
education
 should instruct at schools,
universites
Correct your spelling
universities
 and other
education
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. Especially,
education
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 managing
money
 could be more effective if it
start
Change the verb form
starts
show examples
 from childhood. Parents’ role is crucial
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their children
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 aspect.
For instance
, parents might give
certain
Change the article
a certain
show examples
 amount of
money
 to their children for
whole
Add an article
a whole
the whole
show examples
 month and observe how they manage the
money
 during the month.
In addition
, some special tutors can
also
 contribute
children’s
Change preposition
to children’s
show examples
 primary financial
education
 so efficiently.
Secondly
, developing primary intelligence is not only about taking a course or learning it in an educational place. Indeed, individuals are able to develop it by themselves.
People
 should comprehend what is the difference between “to need something” and “to want something”. Everything we need or want must be prioritized. It is obvious that necessities should
be become
Change to the active voice
become
have become
show examples
 first.
People
 can write down every
necessities
Fix the agreement mistake
necessity
show examples
 and
desires
Fix the agreement mistake
desire
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
notebook
Add an article
the notebook
a notebook
show examples
. It would be
critical
Add an article
a critical
show examples
 point for them.
Otherwise
, there are lots of mobile applications which are so beneficial for managing
money
. The salary,
expences
Correct your spelling
expenses
show examples
, indeed, necessities and wants
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 entered
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the application.
Then
, the application prioritizes and runs the
money
 for individuals. It shows how can they spend and save their
money
 during entire months. From my point of view, governments are supposed to carry out the idea that instructing primary finance and
money
management
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educational
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
.
On the other hand
, owners of financial
management
 applications should develop, promote and expand their applications all over the world.
Submitted by mr.mehdiyevkamran on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: