IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
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In recent times, an increasing figure of
individuals
Use synonyms
 with health-related issues are relying on other methods of
drugs
Use synonyms
 and treatments
such
Linking Words
 as herbals in place of going to consult their health expert
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
as much as these herbals and
treatment
Fix the agreement mistake
treatments
show examples
 tend to be helpful at times, it is a negative development as these
drugs
Use synonyms
lack
Use synonyms
dosage
Use synonyms
, the manufacturers of them
lack
Use synonyms
 adequate knowledge and these facilities
lack
Use synonyms
necessary
Add an article
the necessary
show examples
 equipment.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Orthodox
Correct article usage
the Orthodox
show examples
 method of treating illnesses and drug supply has many dangers attached to them in as much as they tend to be affordable. These dangers can be
as a result
Linking Words
 of
firstly
Linking Words
,
lack
Use synonyms
 of
dosage
Use synonyms
 prescription.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 situation, humans are left with no other option than to take over or
under
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dosage
Use synonyms
 of them which can lead to serious conditions and even death. It is
also
Linking Words
 seen that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
most of these
Use synonyms
drugs
Add a comma
,drugs
show examples
 they
lack
Use synonyms
pamphlet
Fix the agreement mistake
pamphlets
show examples
 where necessary
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the drug
dosage
Use synonyms
, dates of production and expiry date are written.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is observed that those who carry out these treatments or even produced these
drugs
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 little or no knowledge about what they are doing because they did not attend schools for them, they tend to carry out
guess work
Correct your spelling
guesswork
show examples
, using the lives of human to do trial and error.
Lastly
Linking Words
, these
treatments
Change the noun form
treatment
show examples
 areas are likely not to have
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
show examples
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 to carry out a particular task thereby endangering the lives of
individuals
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the traditional bone
setter's
Change noun form
setters
show examples
 (TBA) are
individuals
Use synonyms
 who
tries
Change the verb form
try
show examples
 to manipulate the bone under
blind
Correct article usage
a blind
show examples
 setting.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of instruments
such
Linking Words
 as
x-ray
Correct your spelling
X-ray
show examples
machines
Add a comma
,machines
show examples
 these
individuals
Use synonyms
 have cost a lot of complications in our present time and country putting
individuals
Use synonyms
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risk of losing their hands
legs
Correct word choice
and legs
show examples
 and at some point resulting
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 death. To sum it up,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
as much as people have little or no money to go to good health facilities and buy good
drugs
Use synonyms
, the little they have should be used well by going to go to hospitals which the government has made free in other to avoid abusing of
drugs
Use synonyms
 and being attended to by quacks.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
What to do next:
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