IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar chart below shows the number of houses built per year in two cities, Derby and Nottingham, Between 2000 and 2009. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar chart below shows the number of houses built per year in two cities, Derby and Nottingham, Between 2000 and 2009. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. You should write at least 150 words.
#minutes #bar #houses #year #two #cities #derby #nottingham #report #university #lecturer #information
This
 bar chart illustrates in terms or figures the
houses
Fix the agreement mistake
house
show examples
 ‏constructions in ‏
Nottingham
 and
Derby
 from 2000 ‏to 2009 . ‏
Overall
 , The
houses
 in
Derby
 show a fluctuation
while
 in
Nottingham
experiences
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
 a
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 as the years went
.
Rephrase
by.
show examples
 ‏ The most figure recorded in
Derby
 in 2009 by almost 350 buildings,
while
Nottingham
 had only 250 buildings. The lowest ‏
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
number of homes noted in
Nottingham
 were in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 years 2006 and 2008 with nearly ten and 15
houses
 respectively. ‏The number of residential units ‏ maintained ‏from ‏2003 to 2006
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 in
Derby
 with almost 120 accommodations indicated by the plateau column in the chart perspective. ‏In 2000, 40
houses
 were built in both countries,
whereas
 the following year
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Nottingham
 ‏
seen
Add the auxiliary verb
saw
has seen
show examples
 a slight upsurge,
while
Derby
 maintained stable . ‏
Derby
 experienced a sharp increase in 2008 reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
 ‏280
houses
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
followed by
peak
Correct article usage
a peak
show examples
 the next year. In
Nottingham
 , the highest number of
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 was in 2007 and 2004
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
190 and 250 respectively.
Submitted by demo_sq on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words houses, derby, nottingham with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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