IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasiong and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? You should write 250 words.

#countries #weight #people #increasiong #levels #health #fitness #measures
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Looking at the task below, which is concerning the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the
an
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average weight of people,
also
Linking Words
 as the decreasing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the
show examples
level of their
health
Use synonyms
 existence, it's evident the way in which two several views try to take space giving the opportunity to admit a personal idea. The first view is related to some countries of the world that are experiencing a rise
ofweight
Correct your spelling
of weight
 of their population. The relevant question that comes straight into
minds
Correct pronoun usage
our minds
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 is why? And before
to answer
Change the verb form
answering
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, is important to take into consideration many factors and circumstances. One clear example can be, that nowadays our society keeps to propone alternatively and easy ways to eat,
such
Linking Words
 as fast food, delivery online and many other smart platforms which, carrying on, with
this
Linking Words
kinde
Correct your spelling
kind
 of advertising that radio or tv spread around, people will replace the idea of what is the sense of the
health
Use synonyms
 life, with the option to eat something quick and cheaper.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the second view will
depicts
Change the verb form
depict
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 what are the consequences
for
Change preposition
of
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this
Linking Words
 wrong style of life.
For instance
Linking Words
, the slump
pf
Correct your spelling
of
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 the level
if
Correct your spelling
of
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 what is
considering
Wrong verb form
considered
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health
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the sense of
guilty
Replace the word
guilt
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, and the reaction after having eaten junk food, will cause the loss
to
Change preposition
of
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keeping
Change the verb form
keep
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 yourself
shape
Change preposition
in shape
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
. From my personal experience, after having made a comparison where it was relevant, I can say that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 what is happening nowadays is due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 absence of balance in life. In conclusion, with what has already been discussed, it's dominant to highlight the importance of our body and how it gonna reacts one day, after having
damaged
Add a missing verb
been damaged
show examples
 it.
Submitted by veronicalindiner1998 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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