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Band 5.5

Women are changing all frontiers by the skills. At the same time, they are failing as a mother too. Do you agree or disagree.

#women #frontiers #skills #time #mother
The
lady
 who is going to handle everything can able to get a higher position with significant erudition and experience
as well as
 the obligations of procreator being performed by her. I equivocally have faith in
this
 saying
due to
 the achievement of well-settled ranks and from a stage of suffering pain to maintain a disciplinary child is the undeniable duty of
women
.
To begin
 with, the first point of agreement is the hard work of females
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
 splendid positions.
This
 is because in earlier times, the
lady
did
Verb problem
were
show examples
 not
allow
Wrong verb form
allowed
show examples
 to step out from certain boundaries which compelled them not to show their ability in front of others, but now when
women
 acquire independence is proven to be better than males in every task and greater ranks of men are achieved by them.
For instance
, the Indian best badminton champion was a woman namely PV SIDHU , the first
lady
 who went on the moon was Kalpana Chawlaa and the
lady
 who was the best racer was P.T Usha.
However
, female is not only above in career development but the various other responsibilities of
women
 which cannot be ignored.
Furthermore
, the female has to fulfil the obligations of the mother.
This
 is because the noblewoman when giving birth to a baby literally gives unbelievable pain and it is the responsibility of a female to take care of her baby and feed in any circumstance, even if the woman is sick and tired.
Moreover
, the
lady
 has had to embellish the inner ability of the child by instructing the ethical things, if it is not done, the offspring may choose the wrong path.
For example
, men in the USA feel the same pain which
women
 have to tolerate
while
 giving birth by applying electric gadgets hats off to ladies
due to
 intolerable suffering.
Thus
,
women
 can do what men cannot able to.
To conclude
,
it is clear that
although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 man is estimated to be strong in every work, I firmly opine that
women
 have the more intellectual power to come forward in professional work
as well as
 suffering power to handle everything
Submitted by anureet370 on

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Task Response
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the logical structure needs improvement to ensure a more cohesive flow of ideas. More attention to the task requirements is needed to ensure a complete and comprehensive response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure and organization of ideas. There is a need for better transition between paragraphs to improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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