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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work
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There is no denying that
students
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 have a lot of pressure on learning. Some people argue that schools should reduce or eliminate
subjects
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 that are not academic to help
students
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 relieve stress.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that non-academic
subjects
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 are necessary for all
students
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 owing to
students
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' different personalities and to training their life
skills
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.
First,
Linking Words
although
Linking Words
 most
students
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 are diligent
on
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in
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 learning, there are
students
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 that do not have talent
on
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in
show examples
academy
Add an article
the academy
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. For these
students
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, non-academic
subjects
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 are more important than academic
subjects
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.
For example
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, one of my friends in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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junior high school did not have
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 academic
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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 and the thing that motivated him to the school was these non-academic
subjects
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. I believe that
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
students
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' needs should
also
Linking Words
 be satisfied.
Therefore
Linking Words
, non-academic
subjects
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 should not be removed
Furthermore
Linking Words
, keeping non-academic
subjects
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does
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only motivate
students
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 not good at academic
subjects
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 but
also
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provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 them
a
Add the preposition
with a
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platform to explore their
future
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. To illustrate, the friend I mentioned above decided to become a baker in the
future
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. His decision was made after he took many classes related to baking and his breads were always beyond our and the teacher's expectations. From my point of view, the baking classes helped my friend find his interest and determine his career in the
future
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;
hence
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, I think non-academic classes should still be required
to
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for
show examples
 all
students
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.
On the other hand
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, non-academic
subjects
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 are
also
Linking Words
 important to
students
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 that have talent
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 academic
subjects
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. The knowledge and
skills
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 taught in non-academic
subjects
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 are basic life
skills
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 which every student will require in the
future
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.
For instance
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, I had barely learned
skills
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 about cooking before I went to the University and lived alone. Because of that, I cannot cook
to
Change preposition
for
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 myself when all the restaurants
closed
Add a missing verb
are closed
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due to
Linking Words
 the pandemic.
Overall
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, based on these three
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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 mentioned above, I think that non-academic
subjects
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 are important to every student.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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