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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The map of the way to the hospital changed be between 2007 and 2010 Summarise and report the information.

The map of the way to the hospital changed be between 2007 and 2010 Summarise and report the information.
#summarise #report #information
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The
two
Use synonyms
 maps illustrate the changes
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
road
Use synonyms
access
Use synonyms
 to a
city
Use synonyms
 hospital in 2007 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it’s clear that significant changes happened between 2007 and 2010.
As the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 hospital in 2010 had
extra
Add an article
an extra
show examples
 entrance,
in addition
Linking Words
 to a new
park
Use synonyms
 area,
two
Use synonyms
 roundabouts on the hospital
road
Use synonyms
 and a bus station. In 2007, the
road
Use synonyms
access
Use synonyms
 to the
city
Use synonyms
 hospital was so simple,
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
road
Use synonyms
intersects
Wrong verb form
intersected
show examples
 with
hospital
Correct article usage
the hospital
show examples
road
Use synonyms
, head up to the hospital
road
Use synonyms
 we could find
bus
Add an article
the bus
a bus
show examples
stop
Fix the agreement mistake
stops
show examples
 on both
Use synonyms
road sides
Correct your spelling
roadsides
show examples
,
in addition
Linking Words
 to
Use synonyms
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
park
Use synonyms
 for
staff
Correct article usage
the staff
show examples
 and
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 in the east with
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
access
Use synonyms
 to the ring
road
Use synonyms
. In 2010, the
road
Use synonyms
access
Use synonyms
 to the
city
Use synonyms
 hospital had
two
Use synonyms
 roundabouts, one
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the intersection between
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
road
Use synonyms
 and hospital
road
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 other
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the intersection of the hospital
road
Use synonyms
 and ring
road
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there were
two
Use synonyms
 separate
car
Use synonyms
 parks, the staff
car
Use synonyms
park
Use synonyms
 was on the east of the hospital
road
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the public
car
Use synonyms
park
Use synonyms
 was on the east of the ring
road
Use synonyms
,
each
Correct word choice
and each
show examples
 of them has separate
access
Use synonyms
 to the
road
Use synonyms
 ring.
Also
Linking Words
,
Bus
Correct article usage
a Bus
show examples
 station had been set
on
Change preposition
up on
show examples
 the west side of the hospital
road
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nohaaburab3 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words two, road, access, city, park, car with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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