The chart below shows participation in certain leisure activities by children in Australia. Write a report describing the information shown below

#participation #leisure #activities #children #australia #report #information

The chart gives information about the percentage of 5-14-year-old

boys

and

girls

participating in various leisure activities in Australia. It can be noted that all of the kids love to watch TV or videos a great deal. The least favourite leisure pursuit among

girls

is skateboarding or rollerblading

while

boys

favour Art and craft the least. After watching TV and videos, three-fifth of the

girls

enjoy both bike riding and playing electronic or computer games equally.

Furthermore

, a bit over half of the

girls

prefer art and craft. It is clearly visible that a bit less than a third of the proportion participate in skateboarding or rollerblading

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

when it comes to

girls

Likewise

, not just the whole proportion of

boys

like watching TV and videos, a four-fifth of them play electronic or computer games as well.

Moreover

, 7 in 10

boys

enjoy bike riding

whereas

skateboarding or rollerblading and art and craft are equally the least preferred activities.

Submitted by shwetapanchal172 on Tue May 23 2023

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

158 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

engagement levels
leisure activities
downward trend
popularity
participation rates
comparisons
analyze
general trends
highlight
significance

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