IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

1.In some countries there are more young people choosing to enroll in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #university #situation
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Nowadays young
students
Use synonyms
 are given
rage
Correct your spelling
range
show examples
 of variety opportunities to start their professional life, they can choose between
go
Wrong verb form
going
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 straight to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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university
Use synonyms
 or
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
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 in
Use synonyms
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
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 professional skills. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
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 both decisions are advantageous for the person. First is important to mention that, the decision
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 do
apprenticeship
Add an article
an apprenticeship
show examples
 or apply for
university
Use synonyms
 depends
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
variety
Replace the word
various
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reasons
Change preposition
of reasons
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,
such
Linking Words
: (i)
personally
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personal
show examples
 goals, (ii) the professional area that the person decided to
went
Change the verb
go
show examples
, most of the time young
students
Use synonyms
 do not have sure about their intentions of pursue
determinate
Add an article
the determinate
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 field, so
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
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 in vocational training will provide them
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
 opportunity to
gain
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 some knowledge and sure about the profession, (iii) reduce financial burden, as we all know, the
university
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 fees often the times aren’t cheap, and the scholarships are limited, so some
students
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 decided to delay the application to
university
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 in order to
earning
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earn
show examples
 money.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand, after a long period of work, probably the employer will not give
the
Correct article usage
apply
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real recognition to the employee because they value people that
also
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 have a certificate degree and not just
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
practical experience,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
which means that one of the advantages can be the less academic recognition and limited theoretical knowledge.
For
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this
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 reason, attending
university
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 become a must-have in some high-tech fields. In conclusion, young people are able to
gain
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 the most practical technique during on-the-job training,
although
Linking Words
 there would be some challenges for them on the way to promotion at work.
However
Linking Words
, a lot of countries
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
present date encourage
students
Use synonyms
 to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in work-based training in summer or winter in order to
gain
Use synonyms
 a practical technique. In my opinion, from a career point of
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 I think that
gain
Use synonyms
 professional experience before
attend
Change the verb form
attending
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more pros than cons.
Although
Linking Words
, is important to remember that
ever
Correct your spelling
every
show examples
 decision depends on the circumstances and the
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 goal of each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
.
Submitted by marvinda.pereira on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • skill shortages
  • transition
  • practical skills
  • hands-on experience
  • tailored
  • job satisfaction
  • financial burden
  • earn while you learn
  • long-term career advancement
  • academic education
  • critical thinking skills
  • perceived social status
  • labor market
  • flexibility
  • adaptability
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