IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The chart shows smartphone penetration in Chile 2015-2020. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The chart shows smartphone penetration in Chile 2015-2020. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#smartphone #penetration #chile #information #features #comparisons
The given bar chart provides the proportion of
change
 in
smartphone
 users and
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
the populantion
show examples
populantion
Correct your spelling
population
.
Furthermore
 ,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
smartphone
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 was shown in terms of
million
. In 2020 ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smartphone
user
 was more in number .
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it was at
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 lowest in 2015
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for 7.1
million
 . On the
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 hand,
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 is 56.8 % in the
year
 2020 .
Likewise
, 40.7 % in the
year
 2015 . More specifically ,total
smartphone
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
,
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
change
 in
smartphoneuser
Correct your spelling
smartphone user
 and
finally
percentage
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 are flexible from 2015 to 2020 . In 2016 ,
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 was 5 % more than
2015
Correct article usage
the 2015
show examples
population
 which is 45.0 % .
To the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 contradicts ,
quantity
Add an article
the quantity
a quantity
show examples
 of
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 was 7.1
million
 in 2015 and 7.9
million
 in 2016 respectively ,which was 0.8
unit
Fix the agreement mistake
units
show examples
 less than the previous
year
 .
Overall
, In 2020 total number of
smartphone
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 was 10.3
million
 or their
percentage
 of
population
 was 56.8 %.
Whereas
, the
percentage
change
 of mobile
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 was 4.9 % .
To conclude
 , the
percentage
change
 in
smartphone
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 is more in
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2017
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for 9.4 % .
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
addition , it was low in 2020
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for 4.9 % .
Submitted by harshvadgama30 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words change, smartphone, user, million, population, year, percentage with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: