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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #uk #graduate #students #work #college #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart gives information about graduates and postgraduates of the UK who did not go into full-
time
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
after leaving college in 2008. The data is measured in numbers for both graduate and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the number of
further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 of the UK graduates
of
Change preposition
apply
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possessed the leading position
while
Linking Words
 that for past
time
Use synonyms
 and unemployment
students
Use synonyms
 was lower than
further
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 There
were
Change the verb form
was
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substantial
Add an article
a substantial
the substantial
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 increase of
further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
 and
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 of the UK postgraduates,
while
Linking Words
 voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 was the least considerable in the group. Looking at the details, the index of
further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
 graduate
students
Use synonyms
 experienced a substantial rise with almost 30.000,
while
Linking Words
 it was almost tripled
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the same figure for voluntary
work
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
. The figure for unemployment and
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 were over 16 and 17
accordingly
Linking Words
. The index of
past
Add a hyphen
past-time
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time
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
12.5
Add a missing verb
was 12.5
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 almost as high as the same figure for
further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
 (2.725) The number of unemployed postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 (1.625) was considerably higher than that
voluntary
Change preposition
of voluntary
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 (345).
Submitted by moxinurabjalilova on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, students, study, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "substantial" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • graduate/postgraduate students
  • full-time work
  • further study
  • part-time education
  • voluntary work
  • unemployment
  • travel/gap year
  • percentage/proportion
  • field of study
  • economic factors
  • trends
  • comparison
  • analysis
  • correlate
  • preferences
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