MamadjonovSamandar: Topic: Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. Task: what are the advantages and disadvantages of children playing computer games?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many doctors believe that using pc
games
for a period of time can have a detrimental effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human mental and physical capabilities
while
becoming a permanent impediment factor in their academic and professional
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
However
, The origin of
this
situation seems to stem from mainly two causes
although
several
solutions
remain open to us. In
this
essay, the causes and
solutions
will be discussed and given a concluding view. Perhaps one of the most significant and inevitable
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
is the lack of
attention
.
This
means that especially
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
children
find it difficult to place their
attention
on the subjects they are studying in the class which can lead to
decline
Add an article
a decline
show examples
in their academic score
while
dropping their
attention
level to ground zero.
In addition
to
this
, young
children
are often reluctant to put their energies
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
the physical
game
because it requires endurance, stamina and willingness to put hard work
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
game
.
Secondly
, In today's technology-focussed world, most of the pc
games
are built on the 3d view with infinite cool features which makes it hard for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
students
to resist the temptation and concentrate on
boring
Add an article
the boring
show examples
physical
game
with requires
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
of practice, strength and a regular work-out.
Furthermore
, these
children
have indulged
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves in
games
that they often don't take
Correct pronoun usage
their meal
show examples
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
on time . There are many
solutions
to
this
problem but we are going to discuss some of the effective
solutions
which can
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
us to overcome
this
obstruction.
Firstly
, schools can incorporate mental and physical
games
as a part of
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
curriculum
while
parents can try to encourage
students
to actively participate in these
games
by reducing their
attention
towards
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
.
Furthermore
, school institutes can organize
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
game
events with prizes
while
highlighting the benefits of it mainly at
academic
Add an article
an academic
the academic
show examples
level. It can act as a trigger to arouse
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
interest in these activities
Secondly
, It will help
students
to become more proactive by removing sluggishness and
productive
Add a missing verb
being productive
show examples
throughout their class. In conclusion, If a joint effort would be taken by
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
and parents
then
it can certainly drop the usage of
games
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
which can be a beneficial factor for their academic and professional life.
Submitted by shethstuti9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • strategic thinking
  • hand-eye coordination
  • mental agility
  • critical thinking
  • educational purposes
  • interactive learning
  • multiplayer games
  • teamwork
  • communication skills
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • poor posture
  • repetitive strain injuries
  • mental health
  • addiction
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • social withdrawal
  • academic performance
  • family relationships
  • inappropriate content
  • behavioral effects
What to do next:
Look at other essays: