IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People who travel to another country to live, work or study for a period of time often suffer badly from homesickness. Why is it? What are the best ways to reduce this problem?

#people #travel #country #work #study #period #time #homesickness
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Many
people
Use synonyms
 have decided decision immigrate,
because
Change preposition
for
show examples
 several reasons, including no good opportunities for occupations.
Also
Linking Words
, the student always thinks about their future and better education. I guess that homesickness reduces if they visit their countries every once in a
while
Linking Words
 .
On the other hand
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, the most
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
problem is that several
people
Use synonyms
being them
Verb problem
are
show examples
 introverted
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, and do not mix with society,
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they feel lonely and missing from their countries. I think that the students the impact on them will be less than the older
people
Use synonyms
 because of easy communication with others, by comments habits like football or serious or movie, video game or shopping or the same personality
for example
Linking Words
, a recent study found that faster adaptation,
then
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 the elderly because several.
On the other hand
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 , the best method to reduce
this
Linking Words
 problem
visited
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
 their countries, and attempt to recognize the culture of the country in which they live and
knowledge
Replace the word
know
show examples
 a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 and
participation
Replace the word
participate
show examples
 with them in camping or partying with them or sharing interests them I think
this
Linking Words
 is helpful
while
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 they allowed two
people
Use synonyms
 recognize on country them and trying food them
also
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, they should respect Customs and traditions them
for example
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,A report was published on the BBC newspaper saying that communicating with
people
Use synonyms
 and trying to coexist with them reduced homesickness and depression. In conclusion ,
as a result
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, The younger age groups can master
this
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 phenomenon
while
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 the older ones will find
this
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 a little difficult, the controlling, in
this
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 case,
this
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 case is an adaptation to
people
Use synonyms
 who live in the same country.
Submitted by Zozororo923 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and consistent structure. There is a need for better organization and logical flow of ideas. The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement, and the conclusion does not summarize the main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task by discussing the causes of homesickness and suggesting ways to reduce it. However, there is a lack of depth in the analysis, and the ideas are not fully developed. More specific examples and a well-developed argument are needed to fully address the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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