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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, people all over the world are spending more and more time apart from their families. Why is this happening? How does this affect people and their families? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #world #time #families #affect
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It is often argued that because of industrialisation masses across the globe are spending a hefty amount of
time
Use synonyms
 away from closed
one
Use synonyms
.The following paragraphs would shed light on their causes and impact on the life of
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 and
families
Use synonyms
. To commence with ,There are
plathora
Correct your spelling
plethora
 of reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 but the
predominal
Correct your spelling
predominant
predominate
one
Use synonyms
 is Industrialisation.To elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,Many multinational companies established businesses across the globe , Owing to
this
Linking Words
 employees often migrate to various
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 as per the job demand.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
,result
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 they spend
handsome
Add an article
a handsome
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 amount of
time
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 away from home .
For instance
Linking Words
 ,
Survey
Correct article usage
a Survey
show examples
 conducted by NYU (Newyork University) business department among different IT (Information technology) companies.They found that 65% of the workers are from another city
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
 20 % employees are foreigners.
Hense
Correct your spelling
Hence
show examples
 it is proved that Industrialisation is
reason
Add an article
the reason
a reason
show examples
 why people spend more
time
Use synonyms
 away from
Use synonyms
families
Correct pronoun usage
their families
show examples
.
To begin
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 with ,
One
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 of the main underlying effect stems from the fact
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that Psychological disorder has increased among woman .In
another words
Replace the adjective
another word
other words
show examples
, Men are
sole
Add an article
the sole
show examples
earner
Fix the agreement mistake
earners
show examples
in
Add an article
the
a
show examples
majority of
families
Use synonyms
 so women stay at home ,take care of children and remain busy with
house hold
Correct your spelling
household
show examples
 activities.Having no
one
Use synonyms
 to talk
and
Change preposition
to and
show examples
 staying alone
whole
Add an article
the whole
a whole
show examples
 day ,
some
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 they suffer from loneliness, anxiety and depression.To cite an example,The heading of
Correct article usage
the times
show examples
times
Correct your spelling
Times
show examples
 of India newspaper revealed that 70 % of woman are facing mental disorder whose husband works in
multinational
Add an article
a multinational
show examples
 company.
Therefore
Linking Words
 it is proved that staying apart from
families
Use synonyms
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
 serious health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 among
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
. In conclusion ,
Although
Linking Words
 there are plenty of strong factors supporting the statement that spending
time
Use synonyms
 apart from
families
Use synonyms
 is not a wise thing to do .
However
Linking Words
, drawbacks can not be overlooked .
Submitted by kiritmakwana89 on

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