nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

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Many famous

people

Use synonyms

are well-known for their glamour and rich

instead

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of their achievements in society;

thus

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, some

people

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would argue that it could

make

Verb problem

have

show examples

a negative effect on the youth generation.

This

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essay completely agrees with the statement above because of toxic things like smoking and sometimes they could extend the wrong information affecting teenagers’

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. First and foremost, well-known

people

Use synonyms

could affect negatively the young generations through their lifestyles. It means that some humans could follow their favourite superstars to tattoo their faces or use illicit drugs when they are inspired by their idols through social media.

For example

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, many teenagers have a trend to use drugs like vape, cocaine, and alcohol when they see their famous singers and celebrities using them on live streams without thinking about the effects.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, numerous celebrities can lead to misunderstanding among the youth generation.

That is

Linking Words

to say, some famous humans didn’t focus on their studies, but they were still successful, and it

also

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means that their fans could unexpectedly raise awareness of the wrong information that they can

also

Linking Words

be wealthy without studying.

For instance

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, Bill Gates mentioned

this

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problem in his speech many years ago about how he felt regret when he expanded the wrong knowledge about studying in an unexpected way that he’s a billionaire, even dropping out of school. In conclusion, some well-known

people

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could affect children in an unexpected or expected way because of their wealth and lifestyle

instead

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of their contributions in life. I strongly agree

about

Change preposition

with

show examples

this

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statement because the spreading of the Internet could follow with many potential risks like illegal drugs and wrong information from superstars.

Submitted by halenguyenkhanh2005 on Thu May 25 2023

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task response

The essay addresses the topic and takes a clear position. However, the ideas lack development and the examples are not effectively linked to the main points.

coherence and cohesion

The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Additionally, there is a lack of cohesive devices to link the ideas and paragraphs together.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

274 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Fully explain your ideas

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion

Some people say that now is the best time in history to be living What is your opinion about this? What other time in history would be interesting to live in?

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'People who do not use social media networks* will always fall behind in career development opportunities.' To what extent do you feel that this is an accurate and important prediction? * Social media networks = messaging and information exchange systems such as Facebook and Twitter.