Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?
Many people believe that all teenagers should be obligated in their free time to work to help the local community without being paid. They strongly think that
this
would have a positive impact on both the teenager and the entire society. I totally support this
opinion because of its supportive aspect.
Firstly
, I follow this
perception by the fact that young people nowadays easily ignores
local aid. The Correct subject-verb agreement
ignore
youngests
are glued to their phones and Correct your spelling
youngest
youngsters
forgot
that society needs them. They practice extracurricular activities and study but they should have more commitment Wrong verb form
forget
with
our world by investing some time in these common tasks. It would be enriching for the population and for them individually. Change preposition
to
For example
, when I was a children
, I never used to think about anything but football but my parents made me help in an association and I learned Change the noun form
child
there
many useful values that I still follow today as empathy and team spirit.
Rephrase
apply
Secondly
, the growing needs of our world in this
actual era explains
my firm position about the obligation to assign these tasks to teenagers. Currently, we are in the most critical moment for our survival and Correct subject-verb agreement
explain
many
work Correct quantifier usage
much
have
to be done. Everybody Correct subject-verb agreement
has
have
to contribute with what they can and young persons have the greatest energy and capacity to do multiple helps. Change the verb form
has
For instance
, my friends and I are helping to distribute food in the different neighbourhoods of our city, something that the elderly can no longer do.
To conclude
, the youngests
should make Correct your spelling
youngsters
this unpaid efforts
to make their commitment Change the determiner
this unpaid effort
these unpaid efforts
with
the global community grow and to allow our planet to prosper. I strongly support Change preposition
to
this
idea that could probably make our society more efficient.Submitted by santos_dij on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stays on topic throughout.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words to connect ideas more smoothly and effectively.
task achievement
Develop your arguments with more comprehensive explanations; avoid overly simplistic statements.
coherence cohesion
Include a wider range of sentence structures for greater linguistic complexity and variety.
task achievement
Expanding on given examples with more detail can help to fortify your arguments and make them more convincing.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite