IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The money spent by governments on space programs would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #governments #space #programs #services #schools #hospitals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some governments
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 their budget on space projects
although
Linking Words
 it is believed that subsidizing public services like educational and medical services is a priority. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea. On the one hand, the
government
Use synonyms
 should first support the fundamental parts of each society by funding them.
For instance
Linking Words
, schools with the
government
Use synonyms
’s
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
 can improve the educational facilities
such
Linking Words
 as intelligent boards and projectors;
moreover
Linking Words
, schools’ administrators get the power to refurbish shabby parts of their centres.
Additionally
Linking Words
, with
government
Use synonyms
 funding, hospitals as one of the basic parts of each country can be well-equipped with the latest medical equipment;
therefore
Linking Words
, illnesses can be supplied with high-quality treatments.
Besides
Linking Words
, enough budget can give the opportunity
of establishing
Change preposition
to establish
show examples
 modern medical centres in remote areas.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
government
Use synonyms
 spending on programs like space and launching shuttles is predominantly for showing off. In fact, they cost a fortune to show their power;
moreover
Linking Words
, it is very likely to
be failed
Wrong verb form
fail
show examples
 since it is a complicated science and needs a great deal of knowledge and financial
sources
Correct your spelling
resources
show examples
 for conducting research.
Hence
Linking Words
 many countries, particularly developing of which with low levels of information and wealth can lose plenty of their national cash.
In addition
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 spending is not beneficial for the public that needs to be provided with their essential needs like educational and medical services.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the
government
Use synonyms
 can use its authority to take advantage of itself, it is much better to behave in a logical way to bring wealth and prosperity to society.
Submitted by nooshinhabibinejad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure your introduction clearly presents your stance on the topic. Make sure to include a thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay needs clearer paragraph structuring to improve the overall coherence. Link your ideas together more effectively by using cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: