IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries traditional foods are being replaced by international fast food. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #foods #food #effect #families #societies
In the contemporary world,
due to
 the modern hectic life, the consumption of fast food is growing immensely.
Hence
, traditional
foods
 have been replaced by junk
foods
.
However
, there are two opposite camps regarding
this
 issue.
While
 some people mention the idea that the existence of fast
foods
 is essential, others say that it is harmful to both the body's health and the culture of local food. I am, personally, agree with the latter group. On the one hand, cooking traditional recipes are complex. Because of
this
 ,
reason
Verb problem
apply
show examples
 many individuals do not have sufficient time to spend cooking.
Moreover
, they work every single day.
Therefore
, fast
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the best option for them.
For instance
, employees have a few minutes to spend eating during the day. they prefer to have some quick snacks on the fly.
On the other hand
, traditional
foods
 are healthier even though the recipes are complicated.
Thus
, these
foods
 are entwined with cultures, and despairing the culture can bring a huge cost to a country. It is on mankind to protect
this
 culture as well.
For example
, a large number of human beings prefer to eat pizza and sandwiches
instead
 of the local ones.
To sum up
, all the aforementioned points, can bring us to the conclusion that,
although
 unhealthy
foods
 give joy and pace for daily activities, they are harmful both physically and culturally.
hence
, society ought to look after eating habits,
also
 governments should allocate a budget to educating people, to avoid quick snacks.
Submitted by parianabiloo78 on

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task response
An area for improvement in task achievement is the lack of clear examples to support the main points. Consider providing specific and relevant examples to strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement to enhance coherence. Ensure that ideas are connected and presented in a clear, organized manner.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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