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Band 5.5

Full-time university students spend a lot of time studying. Some say they should do other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#university #students #time #say #activities
Students taking maximum courses in university mostly devote their all-time to their study materials.
However
, some masses expound that
extra curriculum
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
show examples
 activities are equally important. As far as I am concerned, I advocate
this
 point.
This
 essay will discuss the importance of physical activity for undergraduates.
Firstly
, undoubtedly spending a lot of time studying improves your grades but it is not good for your health. To elaborate, sports activities strengthen the body’s bones and muscles but if a student does not participate in
this
 type of activity it may lead to weakening his body strength.
Furthermore
, being involved in sports sharpens the mind
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
and the students who divide their time between studies and games mostly prosper in a much better way in their
carrier
Correct your spelling
careers
show examples
.
Additionally
, at a later age, the person who didn’t
use to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
play in educational life has a weak immunity system and might experience many more diseases than the person who is involved in different outdoor games.
For example
, we noticed that sportsmen enjoy a much healthier life than others.
Moreover
, a tutee who is good in academics
as well as
 in
extra curriculum
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
show examples
 activities is always more confident.
Therefore
, students must keep their sports and educational life balanced.
To conclude
, if a student spends all his time on educational tasks, he may get good grades, but his personality will remain incomplete.
Hence
, it is advisable for all undergraduates that they must participate in some outdoor games.
This
 will not only be good for physical health but
also
 strengthen their minds.
Submitted by qaisarch on

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task response
Consider adding more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Make sure to address both sides of the argument and present a balanced view in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure, with each paragraph contributing to the overall argument. Use transition words to connect ideas and improve coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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