IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people think that the internet has brought people together while others think that people have become more isolated now. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #internet
Nowadays,
internet
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
 have been affecting
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 life in the
last
 decades. Some
people
 believe that
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 is a way to keep
people
 together
while
 others think that they are becoming more isolated. In my opinion, more and more
people
 are becoming more isolated and they have less personal contact with others. On the one hand, in recent times,
people
 can communicate more easily and fastly. Nowadays,
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 is the best way to be in touch with family or friends.
Hence
, they can communicate
throughout
Change preposition
through
show examples
 social networks
such
 as
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
 or Instagram with just a click away. And it is not necessary that
people
 stay in the same country at the same time.
Moreover
, even at work, it is very common to have meetings online or
calls
Change preposition
on calls
show examples
, and
people
 do not see face to face.
On the other hand
, some
people
 do not see the necessity to be in touch with others.
Thus
, when they
need
Add the particle
need to
show examples
 obtain information or they have questions they do not go out home.
People
Change noun form
People's
show examples
 solution
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
 only
checking
Change preposition
by checking
show examples
 the
internet
instead
 of
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication
Replace the word
communicating
show examples
 with someone.
For example
, some
people
 who need to do a transaction in the bank,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
only enter
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the website and there they have all the answers. In conclusion,
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 is a really useful tool and
people
 decide how
much contact
Change the quantifier
many contacts
show examples
 have with other
people
. In my opinion,
people
 need to be more in touch with
other
Correct determiner usage
each other
show examples
 because communication is important to transmit their feelings and thoughts.
Submitted by acostacamila255 on

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task response
The essay adequately addresses the topic with a clear opinion and supporting points, but it lacks depth and thorough analysis. Expand on the points and provide more specific examples to strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates a reasonable logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion could be more developed and linked to the main body of the essay for better cohesion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Consumer behavior
  • Virtual marketplace
  • Cybersecurity
  • Digital footprint
  • Return policy
  • Comparison shopping
  • Customer reviews
  • Retail therapy
  • Logistics
  • User interface
  • Payment gateway
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