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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The Diagram below describes the lifecycle of the silkworm and how silk cloth is produced in South east Asia.

The Diagram below describes the lifecycle of the silkworm and how silk cloth is produced in South east Asia.
The illustrations portray the different stages in the
life
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 of the
silkworm
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 and how
silkworm
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cocoons
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 are used to make
silk
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cloth
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, silkworms have an average
life
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 span of ten weeks, and there are four main stages in the
life
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 cycle: egg, larvae, cocoon, and adult moth, and six in the
silk
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cloth
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 production process: selecting, boiling, unwinding, twisting, weaving, and dying. The journey of the
silk
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 worm's
life
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 begins with eggs, which are laid by an adult female moth on melburry leaves. After around 10 days, the eggs hatch and
silkworm
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 larvae emerge. The larvae feed on the melburry leaves for about 4 to 6 weeks and
then
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 start to create protective layers called
cocoons
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 by spinning a single strand of
silk
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 around themselves. It takes them approximately 3 to 8 days to produce enough
silk
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 to surround their whole body. They stay in their
cocoons
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 for a fortnight to transform into adult moths.
Finally
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, after the female moths lay eggs, the
life
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 cycle begins again. To produce
silk
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cloth
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,
silkworm
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cocoons
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 are first selected. Those found suitable for production,
subsequently
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 boiled in water before being unwound into strands of
silk
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 that measured about 300 to 900 long.
Further
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, they are twisted to form thicker
silk
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 threads.
Finally
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, some of the threads go straight to the dyeing process,
while
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 the others are woven into
cloth
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, which is
then
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 dyed.The produced
silk
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 threads are used in the embroidery textile industry for sewing clothes.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words life, silkworm, cocoons, silk, cloth with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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