IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that capital punishment is good for a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #punishment #country
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It is true that the vast majority of nations think that a penalty can bring more benefits than its drawbacks. I completely agree with
this
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 statement, and I will explain
further
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 in
this
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 essay. The main reason to hold my view is that through punishment citizens can understand the imperative of
rules
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 that the government made. In the first place,
people
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 used to disobey things that might be less important to them, but significantly affect other
people
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.
For instance
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, when
people
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 do not obey transportation
rules
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while
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 driving a car, it can cause a high rate of accidents on the street which can endanger many societies in the city.
Therefore
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, it is important to punish and put them in jail.
Secondly
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, citizens who already have been punished for a bad thing will tend to avoid things that might bring them to enter the cell again.
For example
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, when they already know the drawbacks of lawlessness, they will act as a good citizen
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 obeys the
rules
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 even better than before.
Thus
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, it will deter someone from repeating the same mistakes in the future. Another reason for my position is that the government will spend less money on keeping
the
Correct article usage
apply
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criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
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 in prison. If the criminal is jailed for the rest of their life, the government would need to pay for the enormous expenses for each individual,
such
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 as food for the prisoners and salaries for the police officers.
Consequently
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, the minister needs to maximize the use of punishment to deter
people
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 from crime. In conclusion, I totally agree that through penalties the whole nation can be really beneficial for a country.
This
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 is because more
people
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 will allow the
rules
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, decreasing the number of death rates, and being more efficient in budgeting. Given
this
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 situation, it is recommended that
people
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 should understand the importance of
rules
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 for other human beings.
Submitted by khairanaizzati on

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task response
Make sure to provide a balanced argument by addressing both sides of the issue to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are somewhat lacking in depth and clarity. Try to clearly outline your position in the introduction and summarize your key points in the conclusion.
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