IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries people are consuming more sugar-based drinks than before. Why is this happening and what could be done to reduce sugary drink consumption.

#countries #people #drinks #drink #consumption
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Drinking something sweet ,definitely brightens up the mood of a person, and helps them get through their hectic day at work, but is it really required?
According to
Linking Words
 the Times survey conducted in 2022, the percentage of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
population consuming sugar-based drinks has gone up by 80% in the
last
Linking Words
 decade. The rise in the above percentage indicates many things,
firstly
Linking Words
 business-wise it's absolutely great with the increasing number of sales, the adverts which encourage the crowd to buy stuff. The thing is anything in limited quantities would be fine, but the companies
also
Linking Words
 have become greedy and just for the sake of sales they do not tend to tell the health benefits if there are any. The larger amount of the population taking sugar is leading to problems
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, PCOS in women and Type-2 diabetes. All these might not be immediate but in the long run, they are definitely going to affect the health of a person. Anything healthy usually does not taste good but with few exceptions. To encourage people to have less refined sugar, we can search for replacement options
such
Linking Words
 as using jaggery which provides sweetness
as well as
Linking Words
 mineral iron which is essential for being healthy and reduces the risk of heart issues.
Along with
Linking Words
 the community, the "Food Safety and Standards Authority (FSSA)" can
also
Linking Words
 start making restrictions on companies to start using healthier ingredients in manufacturing that are both sweet and
also
Linking Words
 add nutritional value.
Also
Linking Words
, the government can start imposing higher taxes on products like carbonated drinks, hot chocolate, mocha frappe and anything
that is
Linking Words
 sweet. In
this
Linking Words
 way, at least society will be wary and try to think of the prices and refrain from buying them. The best way would be to educate folk on the risks and benefits of using sugar. In conclusion, I would say the world follows the West, if a much healthier lifestyle is adopted there,
then
Linking Words
 there will be a change slowly and steadily.
Submitted by Vaishnavi Dasari on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumption
  • Addiction
  • Marketing
  • Advertisement
  • Beverage companies
  • Affordability
  • Accessibility
  • Health impacts
  • Awareness
  • Education
  • Crave
  • Social gatherings
  • Cultural factors
  • Alternatives
  • Reduce consumption
What to do next:
Look at other essays: