IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it’s important to spend a lot of money on family celebrations while others think it’s a waste of money. Discuss both views

#people #it’s #money #celebrations #waste
There are two
type
Change to a plural noun
types
show examples
 of
people
 about spending
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 celebrations
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
some
people
 would like to allocate a
lot
 of
money
, and others would like to spend a small amount of
money
.
Big
Add an article
A big
show examples
 celebration with
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 family could bring memorable
moment
Fix the agreement mistake
moments
show examples
, but
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
party
 could make strong bonding. In
this
paragraphs
Fix the agreement mistake
paragraph
show examples
, we will discuss these two perspectives. Spending a
lot
 of
money
 to celebrate important moments in our life is essential
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 only once and gives
memorable
Add an article
a memorable
show examples
party
 to families. Some
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 in Indonesia had
tradition
Add an article
a tradition
the tradition
show examples
 to held big wedding parties. The more riches the family
, the
Add a missing verb
has, the
show examples
 more
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
spend
Replace the word
spent
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
celebration
Correct article usage
the celebration
show examples
 and the more
people
 will
invited
Change the verb form
invite
be invited
show examples
.
People
also
thinki
Correct your spelling
think
if
Correct word choice
that if
show examples
 have
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
money
, will make their wedding dream comes true.
For example
 my friend’s wedding in Batak ritual. They held parties in 2 days, which first day
only
Add a missing verb
was only
show examples
 for family, and
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 day
open
Add a missing verb
was open
show examples
 for public invitation.
Dispite
Correct your spelling
Despite
 the cost,
wedding
Add an article
the wedding
a wedding
show examples
party
 is memorable for
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 moment in life.
On the other hand
, some
people
 think that
held
Wrong verb form
holding
show examples
ceremony
Correct article usage
a ceremony
show examples
 is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of
money
. For
Add an article
an introvert
the introvert
show examples
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
 person,
meet
Wrong verb form
meeting
show examples
 a
lot
 of
people
 and began centre of attention is
exhausted
Replace the word
exhausting
show examples
.
Such
 as anniversary and birthday parties, I rather meet for lunch or dinner with my closed
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 than
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
party
Correct article usage
a party
show examples
. It can build strong bonding
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
show examples
 Birthday and anniversary
ceremony
Fix the agreement mistake
ceremonies
show examples
 will need countless
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 if we celebrate
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 regularly.
Although
 need a
lot
 of
money
 to make celebrations, it is very memorable for important moments, as long as we had enough resources.
Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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