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Today, the life expectancy of people is much higher than before. Older people should continue to be involved in the workforce. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#life #expectancy #people #workforce
Over the past decades, Technology has been developed and
also
 the medical sector has developed in
this
time
.
Hince
Correct your spelling
Hence
show examples
, the average life expectancy of persons is over than before.
However
, several
people
 believe that older
people
 should continue to work in the job sector. Yet, I totally disagree with that statement. I will describe my point of view in that essay. Undoubtedly, older
people
 carry a lot of experience but young
people
 are more advanced than elderly
people
. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
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, elderly
people
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 enough experience, which
is help
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
 to grow up a company and they can help younger to how how to take
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 decision
in
Change preposition
at
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right
Add an article
the right
show examples
time
 but most of the
time
oder
Correct your spelling
older
people
 are not understand
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology.
Additionally
, the
people
 who already gave his service
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the nation,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
didn’t do anything except his retirement. Rather, they need to enjoy their life with their family members.
On the other hand
,
this
time
 is for the younger generation so they can develop their country easily.
Moreover
, they are highly knowledgeable about technology,
also
 all the
time
 they try to get
addvance
Correct your spelling
advanced
 for the future.
Moreover
, young
people
 are more fit than elderly
people
 and the company always tries to get active
people
.
Hence
, every company that wants to retire needs to take a return in a certain
time
.
To sum up
, its true return is a very hard thing for a person but youngsters should need to get
change
Add an article
a change
the change
show examples
 to look forward to it. Yet, if any older
people
 need money and they feel they can do their job,I think they can continue their job
Submitted by muhammadnaim194196 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
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Address the prompt more clearly and provide a more balanced argument.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • workforce
  • mentorship
  • mental and physical health
  • community engagement
  • rapidly changing work environments
  • economic stability
  • age discrimination
  • workplace adjustments
  • financial strain
  • pension systems
  • diversifying
  • creativity
  • problem-solving
  • retirement norms
  • flexible working hours
  • part-time positions
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