IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
In
this
 era, there is a number of companies which almost focus that their
products
 that are new in different methods. in
this
 essay, I intend to explain why it happened.
Moreover
, I personally believe the positive aspects of
this
 way are far more. There are different explanation why the manager of a
company
 usually prefer to say their
products
 are new, but it seems to me the chief cause might be encouraging the customer to buy their
products
. Many commentators justifiably argue that most of the
clients
 are willing to buy new
products
hence
 the manager of
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
 tries to show their
products
 are the
last
 model of that field. Advertisements are able
be
Add the particle
to be
show examples
 a decisive factor to show
this
 fundamental fact to the buyer.
consequently
, from
Add an article
an employee
the employee
show examples
employee
Change noun form
employee's
show examples
 perspective,
this
 is the best way to save their
clients
.
Also
,
this
 method is highly beneficial remained to win in the competition
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 other companies.
For example
 most of
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation altern the self phone every year so they seek the
last
 version of
phone
Add an article
the phone
show examples
 and usually the advertisement is a decisive factor in their choice. in my opinion, the advantage of
this
 happening is more than the drawback of them because most of
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
 try to increase quality and stable their
products
 to update based on grow amount of buyers. there are those who subscribe to the view that there are several merits for
this
 type of
advertisements
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisement
show examples
. from
this
 point of view, they insist the mills are able to introduce their
products
 easily and the
clients
 are able to compare
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a wide variety of
products
 based on
these advertisement
Change the determiner
this advertisement
these advertisements
show examples
. in conclusion, I think It is logical
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
company
 want to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the amount of revenue through show their
products
 new,
furthermore
, I personally agree the advantage of
this
 happening is noticeable
due to
 the high quality of the
products
 and the better introduction of them to the
clients
.
Submitted by amirhsina on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
What to do next:
Look at other essays: