The only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. What extent do you agree or disagree?

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There are those who think that deciding stricter punishments against accidents on pathways is only a method to reduce car crimes. In my opinion, I partially disagree with

this

Linking Words

view, and the reason will be elaborated in enlisted paragraphs.

Firstly

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, let us think about a beneficial point of

this

Linking Words

change. It is

the

Correct article usage

show examples

fact that if the punishment becomes harder than in the past, car drivers would beware how to drive more, and it will generate some positive effects on walkers and bikers.

For instance

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Japanese

Add an article

the Japanese

show examples

government enacted more severe laws against car

accident

Fix the agreement mistake

accidents

show examples

in 2018, and the number of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

accidents diminished from 2018 to 2020, and

this

Linking Words

is because many

drives

Correct your spelling

drivers

show examples

have to concentrate on driving to avoid expensive

payment

Fix the agreement mistake

payments

show examples

Hence

Linking Words

, harsh rules would evoke the individuals’ caution more.

However

Linking Words

, perhaps

this

Linking Words

should not be the case. After all,

although

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administers

Replace the word

administrators

show examples

decide

some

Change preposition

on some

show examples

strict penalties for

drivers’

Change noun form

driver’s

show examples

offences, many people would be used to

drive

Wrong verb form

driving

show examples

under the severe guidelines.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, they may obtain nervous and

anxiety

Replace the word

anxious

show examples

from the rules, and it would produce more accidents.

According to

Linking Words

the dissertation done in 2020, one of the main reasons

Change preposition

for

show examples

the crimes on pathways is stress from driving and other things.

In addition

Linking Words

, they would drive slower, and it triggers traffic congestion,

then

Linking Words

the traffic jam generates adverse impacts on the citizens who used

road

Correct article usage

the road

show examples

Thus

Linking Words

, harsh penalties would make an increase

Change preposition

show examples

vehicle crimes. In conclusion, though making more strict punishments has the advantage, there are more disadvantages than

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

positive

Fix the agreement mistake

positives

show examples

point.

Therefore

Linking Words

, I slightly disagree with

this

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statement.

Submitted by shimamura0116 on Sat May 27 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

260 words

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The only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. What extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

People who live in large cities face a range of problems in their daily life. What are the main problems people in cities face, how can these problems be tackled?

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?