Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?
Recently, the usage of social
media
has gained certain popularity among the public. it is widely notice
that more and more Change the verb form
is widely noticed
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
Add a missing verb
are adoption
adoption
social Replace the word
adopting
media
, and there are some public who believe that there is a risk would leakage of information
when they are on the
social Correct article usage
apply
media
websites. However
, I believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages for
social Change preposition
of
media
becoming popular.
Firstly
, there are two benefits to utilizing social media
. For one thing, all age groups who widely use
social media
are become
common are likely to gain all sorts of Infor. Change to the active voice
become
have become
Such
information
includes news, nature, as well as
space. Consequently
, when human
enters social Add an article
a human
media
, they will find different kinds of current information
to read. For
Change preposition
On
another
Correct determiner usage
the
hand
, Correct word choice
other hand
that
citizens make Correct word choice
apply
use
of social media
as a common platform for mutual communication. To be specific. They can talk to their friends, family, or even strangers in different regions. All communication would easily
and Rephrase
be easy
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
to contact
Verb problem
for
people
.
On the other hand
, all age groups use
social media
which might have risks to safety. Since all ages contact social media
, children can easily association
things that are violent or mature content. Replace the word
associate
For example
, some social media
apps always pop up the
Correct article usage
apply
advertisement
that contain sexual content. Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
Thus
, those bad thing
would affect children’s mental health. In Change the determiner
that bad thing
those bad things
additional
, Replace the word
addition
people
realize that make
Wrong verb form
making
use
of social media
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
risk
Correct article usage
a risk
to
leakage Change preposition
of
information
. Nowadays, Change preposition
of information
people
love to share their personal information
in
Change preposition
on
the
social Correct article usage
apply
media
, such
as where they live, their self-portrait, or current
location. Correct pronoun usage
their current
Therefore
, the bad person would monitor them through social media
what they posed. If an individual does not post any security information
online, such
attacks can be reduced. As a result
, many people
are against the extensive usage of social networks since it
Correct pronoun usage
they
compromises
their security and privacy.
In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages to internet usage. In my opinion, the benefits Correct subject-verb agreement
compromise
such
as faster contact with people
and access to information
outweigh the disadvantages.Submitted by wrlsr on
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task response
The response provides a partial answer to the task. The advantages are discussed more than the disadvantages. Balance the argument and provide equal weight to both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the main points need better development and organization. Use topic sentences to introduce each main point and ensure clear progression of ideas.