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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of Bowen Island, according to a survey of visitors.

The pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of Bowen Island, according to a survey of visitors.
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The given pie charts illustrate information about
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 common merits and demerits of Bowen Island from surveys of tourists.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 notable visitors say the most common disadvantage is
high
Add an article
the high
show examples
 cost of living
while
Linking Words
 the most common advantage is the people. Looking at
this
Linking Words
 disadvantages chart
first,
Linking Words
half of the visitors responded that the high cost of living is the most disadvantage. The second disadvantage
according to
Linking Words
 the entertainment section stood
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
quarter of
this
Linking Words
 chart. Weather and food quality part stood
15
Change preposition
at 15
show examples
%,
10
Correct word choice
and 10
show examples
% respectively.
By contrast
Linking Words
, 42% of visitors responded that the most advantage is the people. Tourists said the second advantage is that the scenery stood at 35%.
According to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 survey, culture and good accommodation were the lowest advantages rated 12% and 11% respectively in Bowen Island.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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