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Band 5

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

As developing of technology,
smartphones
Use synonyms
 are getting closer to our lives. More and more
people
Use synonyms
 spend a larger amount of
time
Use synonyms
 in their free
time
Use synonyms
 using these devices because of their convenience and useful features.
However
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, I believe that
this
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 is a negative trend for human beings, the
time
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 spend on exercise or moving their bodies reduces and they are depending on their phones heavily.
Firstly
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, the background of
this
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 boosting expansion of
smartphones
Use synonyms
 can be reasoned by their characteristics; countless information, ease to use, and multifunctions. The information in search platforms and social media have been updated every moment and they always offer us some entertainment to watch.
Moreover
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, the usage of
smartphones
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 is based on free or cheaper than physical activities, which makes
people
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 have a low barrier
to begin
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.
Thirdly
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, it is possible to do shopping, watch films, communicate with friends and plan a holiday with the same device, they always have something to do with them.
Smartphones
Use synonyms
 have easier acceptance and useful facilities which can cover everything we want, And
this
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 is enough to attract us for using them.
Furthermore
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, endless information makes
people
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 stick to the internet and it is difficult to manage their
time
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.
However
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, these are not only advantages but
also
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 disadvantaged which are lacking exercise and addiction to
smartphones
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. Working out is one of the effective ways to have a healthy body, but
this
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 is prevented by
smartphones
Use synonyms
,
people
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 do not need to go out to do something because they can do everything at home with their
smartphones
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.
Also
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, some just sit on the chair to play video games for more than 6 hours a day.
In addition
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, one societal problem is coming up, a lot of
people
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 feel so anxious without
smartphones
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. They bring everywhere, and they cannot control themselves. Some students consume their
time
Use synonyms
 by spending
time
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 with their phones, which causes sleeping and tiredness during classes. When I was a high school student, all of my
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
 wasted their
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
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watching
posted-videos
Correct your spelling
posted videos
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instead
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 of sleeping. And they were likely to have poor concentration and academic performance
due to
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 a shortage of rest.
However
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, most of them could not stop that habit, they already relied on too much. The mental dependency on these devices is becoming a huge problem,
while
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 the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 that
people
Use synonyms
 utilize
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mobile phones has increased. In conclusion, the development of
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 has damaged
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 and health balance. Not only let
people
Use synonyms
 do
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 activities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
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 cause
anxious
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anxiety
show examples
 and dependence on these devices.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should seriously and carefully see their usages and situation.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital addiction
  • instant gratification
  • multifunctional
  • connectivity
  • social networking
  • online services
  • self-expression
  • entertainment options
  • instant access
  • educational resources
  • communication tools
  • virtual interactions
  • distracted living
  • technological dependence
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