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Band 3

Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. What are the causes of this and what effect this has on the individual and society in general.

#people #time #hobbies #effect #society
There are several factors that can contribute to individuals having fewer hobbies. I guess the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 it is
reduction
Add an article
the reduction
a reduction
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 working time.
For example
, 150 years ago 10-12
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
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 per day, 5-6
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
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 per week were normal, nowadays some countries are closed to a 4 day
work
 week.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
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 current economics is much more automatized, and a lot of really high-paid specialists like programmers, doctors,
financial
Correct word choice
and financial
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 sector workers could rest much more than current physical workers, and even ordinary workers like carpenters or couriers can
work
 much less than their
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 from the 19th century. It is a natural process.
Economy
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The economy
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 is growing, and
people
 are more interested in different hobbies. I guess it is connected
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the influence of social media, TV, and entertainment. Despite
people
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 less than 150 years ago,
people
 are worried about their future, and the job demands a lot of pressure.
That is
 why it is much easier to scroll Instagram or play the new computer game.
On the other hand
, it can be
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 form of
hobby
. And
this
 is not so bad. In my opinion, it is not a big deal, because
people
 still do something, and all the
people
 consume something. If
people
work
 less, they could find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 new
hobby
. But the main thing is what is
hobby
Add an article
a hobby
show examples
. It is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 topic of another essay. P.S. For me even sleeping and watching TV can be a
hobby
.
Submitted by oimigle on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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