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Band 4

Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists.Other believe it is the only way to save these traditions.

#people #traditions #attractions #tourists
It is irrefutable that every country has
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
show examples
 cultural
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
.
Therefore
culture
 and tradition symbolize
state's
Correct article usage
the state's
show examples
 history.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of
people
 who disappoint
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 visiting
tourists
 consider that traditional clothes and other
things
 which are counted as cultural traditions are damaged by immigrant
people
.They think that
people
 who sell traditional items intend to live in luxury.
On the other hand
,some
people
 want to save their customs and they think that
tourists
 help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their country.Naturally,everyone has
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 view.
This
 essay intends to discuss both sides of the disagreement. Nowadays,a lot of
tourists
 come to our country to watch our traditional places.
That is
 why local
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
sell our conventional
things
 but
this
 is the way to destroy our
culture
.
For instance
,
tourists
 buy a lot of
things
 which are one of the most traditional products.But they never save our precious heritages like us.We should not allow
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
tourists
 taunt our
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 many
people
 make an effort to improve our government
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 way.Tourism opens up many ways to become famous.We can increase our budget with visiting
tourists
 who come and buy these items but
also
 they go back
our
Change preposition
to our
show examples
 traditional
things
 and it helps
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us to be popular around the world.Everything to goodness. We should dispute both sides of the discussion.First of all,we should keep our customs from others who may ruin our traditions and we try to be friends
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 countries because
tourists
 help us to change our life.
To sum up
,cultural traditions are saved by
people
.If
people
 allow
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
show examples
anything
Add a missing verb
do anything
show examples
,our
culture
 will begin to die and we lose our
culture
.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Dilution of cultural traditions
  • Authenticity
  • Cultural heritage
  • Revenue
  • Financial support
  • Preservation
  • Promotion
  • Commodification of culture
  • Intrinsic value
  • Exposure
  • Global awareness
  • Respect and understanding
  • Economic gain
  • Local communities
  • Decision-making processes
  • Respectful portrayal
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